I'm not worried about overcoming any issues due to my introvert status, I'm hoping maybe you can help me overcome the massive urge to punch someone in the throat whenever they refer to or infer that I should have a "personal brand."

Well, right now Highway 34 outside of Estes Park is not good at all:

No, the Jalopnik way would be to buy it, hammer it mostly straight then install an actual Meth Lab in the back, drop in a LS motor and track-rated suspension and brakes then put Wanky the Safety Cat in the back and get Sabina Schmidt to run it on the ring.

Could this be the exact moment in time at which Jalopnik's long-standing point of order stating Aztek=Awful officially changed?

That's not going to help you much at higher elevations, even if you boil it. Water boils at a temp. low enough to not kill ghiardia cysts as low as 5000ft which means a nasty case of ghiardiosis which can be life threatening (mostly due to the dehydration effects.)

Santa Fe, NM.

Yeah, I live in Texas and while I'm not afraid of crime in general I am afraid of the hordes of morons packin' heat and just waiting for an excuse to slap leather. Even if I could trust the judgment of the average Texan I sure as shit can't trust their aim.

Not true at all! You can display any size of American Flag above your Hyundai dealershipand there are no significant restrictions on the size or species of inflatable animal holding a "SALE-A-BRATION!!!" sign on the roof.

So the only reason the reason TXDOT has jurisdiction is cause it's on the highway right of way. Pboy can just buy a 30 meter square of that farmer's property on the other side of the fence and move it there. Once it's on private land the Marfites opinion of the piece becomes immaterial.

I really hate the fuckin' Eagles, man!

Aaah! That thing looks like a 90's Firebird metastasized.

Here's a fun trick for navigating those awful, horrific, aneurism-inducing voice-navigation systems that companies install to keep from actually having to hire enough customer support people. The ones that just won't send you to an operator (hitting "O" or asking for "operator" just takes you back to the main menu,…

It's on your car that you're driving; you are responsible for it. Yeah, when the hood flies off and kills someone the idiot at the shop will also get sued, but i guarantee you that the driver's name will be on the "Defendant" line on the lawsuit(s).

Texas Only: Big handgun and 2-3 magazines full of ammo.

Duh! 25yr old hottie Trophy Wife in the right-side seat (left-side for those who drive on the opposite side of the road.)

Stevie Ray approves!

Nice. Now could they maybe arrest Alex Roy next?

It comes with an optional tow package and drop tank for longer trips:

Take a tip from your old buddy Jack Burton: only drive as fast as you can see. It's all in the reflexes anyway.

You forgot:
Don't expect the police to investigate or attempt to solve the crime or even care all that much. They're just punching the clock and filling out the report for the insurance company, not actually trying to prevent crimes or catch crooks.