Any man who requires a goddamned jumbo jet to make him look relatively less bloated is an existential threat to fashion. I think we all agree that while democracy and the mania for self-determination come and go, fashion is a fundamental element of our humanity. This horrible bloated mass continues to wear ill-fit…

The Grill Scouts are only allowed to patrol the infield where they’re parking their RVs for the event.

Yeah, your new testament stuff about rich people ought to be giving their stuff away is great, but if you’ll go back a few books, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy lay out a taxation, funding, and social services model to prevent vast wealth inequalities from creating social instability. For fuck’s sake, there’s a…

They may not be dumb. There’s always desperation and ennui to fend off. Some people fill the void in their souls with drugs and debauchery, some with hate and malice. And then there’s those that try and fill it with stuff.

They used to call them Calvinists, remember?

Smothering the elderly and the permanently disabled is the alternative to Medicare, smothering the poor and driving the middle class into permanent debt slavery is the replacement for the ACA. Get the programs being drowned in the bathtub right.

You say so now, but when did your deep commitment to transparency and even invasive investigation of potential candidates start? When someone you distrusted got elected?

Look, I think you are reading a lot into this. Donald Trump has finally taken a turn toward the right corner and is getting advice from decent and reliably honest people.

Yeah, we don’t give a yearly shout out to Malcolm or Praise the Panthers. We don’t recognize May Day and have turned our pale reflection of working class progress into another seasonal sale at the local box store. We’re not so good at maintaining revolutionary zeal. Once things get a little better than our…

Oh, those plans have been in the works for at least 5 years. You know, when he started grooming Trump.

It’s a stock photo of a guy with some genetic disorder which used to lump people in with the catatonics and morons back in the day but has since been able to be more or less normalized through advocacy and new treatments testifying at congress for why these programs are so important and should be funded as part of…

Escalating the eschaton, as ol’ Tom Lehrer used to say.  

9 parts gin, one part vermouth. Depends on your fuel and oxidizer, but you’re NEVER powerless if you’re willing to put in the work figuring out the ratios.

Only if you have them.

Oh, the Sex-Money-Greed Faction of the Republican Party is WAY AHEAD OF YOU on that.

For exactly expressing why I starred it, you also get a star.

Like all of the goings-on on the hill and the complete lack of transparency of potential conflicts of interest, Chaffetz’s face is TOTALLY NORMAL. It’s the new normie!!1!

Tell your mom that most Americans who oppose Trump are smart enough to figure out the right mix of fuel and oxidizer to really make a few changes if they put their minds to it.

No, his face is the new normal. It’s all being normalized. Even his stupid vaguely reptilian and not necessarily fully developed features. Totes Normies, now!

Tweets are whitepapers sized to match the audience’s bandwidth.