If I did, I would never leave the house again.

"Otiose" is my word of the day. Thank you.

If I don't get fired today it will be a miracle.

Good thing they didn't look at the last name on your card. "Schwartz". You might have been stoned.

My story doesn't hold a candle to the others (huntsman spiders... GAH!), but the long and short of it is this:

But wasn't BRAAAAMMMM lifted from "Lost"?

I reserve the right to not be impressed until the dog matches socks.

It reads like my reaction to the books.

She is one of the most beautiful women in the world, but I let out a little scream when I saw this picture and couldn't help thinking "KILL IT WITH FIRE!" She looks like a Jackie O. zombie.

THANK YOU!!! This was the first movie I thought of. The original set itself up beautifully for a sequel.

THANK YOU!!! This was the first movie I thought of. The original set itself up beautifully for a sequel.

I spy Hiddleston! So there...

In my dreams, Bette Midler lives next door to me and we hang out on lawn chairs in my yard drinking margaritas all summer.

I'm glad you get to ride in a raft because - if not - it would be like (the Kamikaze at) Action Park... You would be pulling the wedgie out from between your shoulder blades.

Thank you. I just experienced an orange pekoe nose douche.

Seriously... but I hope that part has been updated.

I loooooooooooove him.

Oh, crap... he looks like my husband!

There was a kid named Caillou at the beach this summer. I had to put my face down on the blanket every time his mother called for him. And he was a beast.

My kids loved the play area when they were smaller (smäller?). Just beware the pink eye! Before you leave, get them to the bäthroom and wäsh their händs! Purell won't cut it!