TECHNICALLY this isn’t strictly true: You CAN polish Coprolites, which are fossilised Turds...

Feel better now?

“I moved on Iraq like a bitch, but I couldn’t get there. And she already had a president. Look, just bomb. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a Secretary or State, they let you do it. You can do anything.”

This election is straight up ripping relationships to shreds. My family is Mexican-American and we have one family member (my aunt) who absolutely LOVES Trump. I’ve always thought her to be a hateful person but now it’s just...wow too much. My 88 YEAR OLD nana voted in the primaries for Hillary and my aunt called her…

Shot. The man said shot. He wants her to die. And I will bet you $20 that if you ask him exactly why she deserves to be shot he won’t even know. That’s the infuriating part. They have no idea what crime to even accuse her of.

Cmon, cmon, we are here to take shots, not deal in facts. Anyhow, Im too young to be moving around the tiny amount of money I have in the market every time the wind blows a different direction. I try to mirror the S&P500 with some in stock and the rest in one of those long term diverse Retirement year funds.

On 7/14/2015, the date of the article linked to, the DJIA stood at 18,000. Today it’s at 18,100. Hmm, maybe Hamilton was onto something when he suggested that maybe people just might want to preserve their money in an interest bearing account.

Or perhaps it’s because the market is as overvalued as it’s been since the 2008 crash and 2001 downturn?

And you want to be my latex salesman.

LOL. . . this one, too:

Yesterday I walked into the grocery store and saw a cute girl trying to separate the last two half shopping carts. It was going to be perfect, I would be manly and help her out and impress her with my skillz at fixing things. I grabbed the two carts and pulled from a few different angles before I stopped, looked at…

what. the. fuck. is. that.

In college, I noticed I was getting a little puffy so I started a jogging routine. It was February in Milwaukee, so I didn’t see a single person outside who was not in a car or walking to a car. On the final stretch running up a hill away from the lake, a cute girl was jogging down the other way. Then, for no reason…

There was this one time, where I almost spilled all my secrets on the internet because someone asked me to...but then I didn’t...whew, that was a close one!

Hummer’s are considered compacts in Texas.

*sees Funbag was posted 30 minutes ago*

I met my now-wife at speed dating. Everyone was wearing name tags and I noticed that a couple of the women there were named Carrie or Kari. My wife was the last woman I sat down with, she told me her name, then immediately took of her name tag since the event was ending. We really hit it off, and towards the end I…

I was on a date with this one gal

When you’re waiting in line for the bathroom, and the person who comes out won’t make eye contact with you; you know you’re in for a bad time.

This is the one time Microsoft would love people calling the tablets iPads.