Not with those welds...

He was also the pioneer of video game ragequits

Chase Mortgage.

My alarm clock radio doesn't pick up many stations and this had led me to find the solution to getting up in the morning: Christian Rock. The one station that comes in crystal clear is a Christian Rock station and wow is that crap terrible. If it goes off for a few seconds it is enough to make me hate it. Now I never…

Dogs. Not even a real question.

How about a lift kit??

I don't always fall through ice, but when I do I save myself with my beard.

There's a difference between fighting and arguing. My wife and I argue all the time about everything. Usually with moderately raised voices, since that's basically how we talk. The kids pretty much ignore us. If we sent them away whenever we did this, we'd never see them.

Go to a dive bar in the "Williamsburg" portion of your city. If you don't like anyone you meet, you could just get drunk.

He didn't spill a drop, did he? One drawback: If you use the "ideal" way to hold a burger, you probably should eat your fries before or after you finish it. Otherwise, it might be difficult to hold the burger like this and eat fries at the same time.

dafuq kind of computer is that???

OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and…

Should be retitled "How to be Canadian".

I'm sorry... but could you reach down my pants?

Don't over commit and structure the work for the week or month (allowing for flex time for unexpected tasks). I like to-do list because they keep the tumult of dissonance out of my head and on paper.

"In an emergency, one crayon can burn brightly for about 15 to 30 minutes."

completely lost it at the "erase the woman on the right side" pic

It wouldn't. Trust me, if I were a stripper, I would be a broke stripper.