This is brilliant, no sinkhole will be able to swallow those 'Vettes!

You started off strong...

Someone brought it to a bbq I had a year ago. And proceeded to talk about how delicious it is.

Nicotine and red wine, no contest.

This may seem crazy, but I'm incredibly offended at your suggestion that strippers need implants. I used to dance. I loved it. I naturally have 32Ds, but worked with girls of all sizes, both natural and implants. I cannot stand fake titties. I think they're disgusting. They look and feel terrible. Love the body you…

It would be creepier if they were making eye contact with each other

ohh shush you, I am wating for CNN to have 1 hour show about this picture, i will watch the hell out of it.

I KNOW - they could never become something important, like, say, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES if they ever seek to 'get high.' Oh wait...

Type of punctuation that inspires Nazis.....Nazi's

Nazi's what?

A very long time ago, I experienced my first oyster- douchbag. I was at a bar on a pier outside of Boston, and there was a lovely free raw bar. I guess they made up for it in drink sales, I don't know. It was one of those rare and gorgeous New England summer nights, warm air, cool breeze and fireflies. I was behind…

I had an old uncle like that. The guy would drop one liners that I was about 5 years too young to understand. I knew it was worth remembering if the ladies looked disgusted, the men were smirking uncomfortably, and me and my cousins were ushered outside to go play since it was "such a nice day outside".

My great uncle once slapped me on the back and told me, "Anfernal, the thing you gotta know about oysters is they make the clams wet." I was 11. He was a horrible human being and the oysters-as-aphrodisiac legend is complete bullshit.

I asked my friend for some help shucking oysters as you suggest, but he just ate all of them. He was really shellfish.

Vagina: SODA CAN (Mountin' Dew)

"Here was a large, unkempt, suspicious-looking man, threatening to make lists about my kids, then break into my house tonight with a 'delivery'. I acted on instinct."

That's clearly not Santa. -Megyn Kelly.

There is some footage of it here Patrick if you want to see the rescue.

I donated my 33 year old eggs to my sister. I was a raving hormonal lunatic for a month, felt for a while like I was walking around with little sacs of grapes in my groin and then had a lunatic reaction to anesthesia during the retrieval surgery.