Seriously. Especially when I had a giant fibroid living in my uterus: width not depth!

"Please answer this YOLO College Essay Prompt"

YOLO is a profound restatement of the kind of questions Man has been struggling to answer since he was first aware of his own existence. This phrase captures a fundamental paradox of human existence and processes it into a compact form so that an ever-busier society may be given a chance to reflect on these truths we…

Now I understand why Lake Wobegon's high school sports teams are known as the Fightin' Footlongs.

I would only use "YOLO" if I was about to be executed and the state asks for my last words. I would also throw up a "shocker" too for good measure.

#YOLO: (hashtag) You Only Live Once.

Oh god, can we just not? Please? Because this only ever ends one way. The people with kids will turn into instant sanctimommies, all like "If you aren't a parent you will never understannnnddddddd!!!!!" and the people without kids will be all like "Why can't I apply for maternity leave when I get a new kitten, cats…

I'm a bad bill
I'm a really bad bill
And I'm comin' after more than your pill
Well it's from Texas to Ohio
And in North Carolina
It's a war on women
And a battle for vagina
Sharia isn't too far away
You better hope and pray that I will
Stay right here as nothing more than a bill

Boy: Gee bill, you sure could be a pain in the…

I call FAKE! Ms. Clinton has a vagina. It is a well known fact that vaginas shut down any vulgar transmissions before they can be uttered.

Gender stereotypes hurt everyone.

The prevalence of sexual assault in Tahrir Square is discrediting this whole protest movement, at least to my mind, and that's a real shame. I can't believe the entire crowd doesn't descend on these animals with serious force. The fact that this seems to be tolerated - indeed, requires a special, other-seeming…

I laid on this bed (or a version of it) at Costco and immediately didn't like it. Apparently, either my upper body is heavier than my lower body, or I just sleep "off center" from the head to foot of the bed because as soon as I laid back, my feet were higher than my head. Very uncomfortable.

full premium open bar (with shots), catered dinner, photographer, reception in an amazing concert hall, 56 dollars a person. My wedding is apparently the wedding stick my friends measure other weddings by. they got completely robbed.

i've been to very few weddings, so i'm no authority, but it's common to have wine on the table and then sell drink tickets for $2 - we call this a toonie bar. this is how i plan to do my wedding. both my family and his is large and likes the drink. i can't imagine cutting back on other stuff in my wedding just so…

What the fuck is wrong with people?!?? If you can't afford your lavish, $200/plate wedding without expecting your guests to pay for it, then don't fucking have a lavish, $200/plate wedding, you spoiled, entitled, pathetic brats.

I was 100% disappointed when I realized this was a lamp and NOT actually his hat

I'm assuming Meryl Streep would be the witch... but frankly Bernadette Peters was perfect in that role in the stage version. I love me some Meryl, but can't imagine her doing it better.

Yeah, isn't it totally fucked up how people have different wants and some people might, for whatever reason, not automatically consent to granting others' wants? That's so weird. Especially when it's about sex because everybody feels the same way about sex, right?

ALL THE PRETTY COLORS! I WANT TO LIVE INSIDE THIS PHOTO AND WITH ALL OF THIS COLORFUL JOY!

The New York Times, in an extremely New York Times-y move