I think it's a combination of her having a repellent personality and the world having already seen that ass plowed by a Z-list rapper in a tape sold by the subject's mother that generates the hateful snark.

But, as someone who knows and taught Janay Palmer-Rice and Ray Rice, I'm convinced that you're probably wrong to superimpose your template on them. (I am not currently close to either of them, though I know many who are.)

Good luck to you and your family. It'll be tough, but trying to help is the right thing.

First, know that everything you are feeling is valid. Do not feel bad or guilty. This is what so many friends and family members of victims go through, and it's tough because part of what abusers do is push other people away. They want the victim to be isolated.

This is why breaking the cycle is so hard. How do you…

Thanks for the reply. I'll give it a call.

you'll hear that her language contains more self-agency than the typical self-destroying comments of battered women

I have this conversation with my sister-in-law all the time. She's the type of person who is terrified by all of the crime stories she sees on the local news and worries constantly about home invasions. Whereas I'm so unconcerned about being harmed by strangers that when I actually *did* catch an intruder rooting…

This is a great read. I've wonder the same thing. This is always and forever about Ray Rice and never about Janay. It also hits home for me.

I don't think you actually appreciated the column if your response is to point to situations in which women have victimized others. That was not the point nor is it relevant. No one is suggesting that only women are victims.

thanks Totally Real Guy for this Completely True Story

Sorry, I think my point kind of got lost in there. Basically what I was trying to say was that this was a woman who 3 years ago did not have the self-confidence to choose an outfit for herself because her partner had made her doubt herself and punished her for her "mistakes" thousands of time over the years. Within a…

I totally understand and in no way mean to say that only women are victims. Child abuse happens all too often as well. I covered numerous cases of child abuse in South Florida, and often the mother was jut as culpable as the father. But in this case, I focused on spousal abuse because that was what happened here.

Oh absolutely. I want to acknowledge how manipulative and fucked up an abusive situation is without taking away from the courage, strength and capacity that abuse survivors have. We're not lesser people for being victims. Essentially, being a victim of domestic abuse does not make one less capable, but rather it…

I don't see how any of this matters. He might not have been an abusive boyfriend at one point, but he is now. And now this man, who clearly can't control his own anger, will be sitting at home with his wife, unemployed and despondent, and without the outlet of football into which to direct his energy. I wonder how…

First, I find that hard to believe based on the way he acted in the elevator. His body language is not what you would expect from someone who was shocked by what he had just done to his partner.

So what happened to him that he went from loving, compassionate, non-violent partner to someone who lies in wait for his partner to walk by, spit in her face, follow her into an enclosed area, pound her unconscious and then drag her around on the floor?

For most decent human beings, that's a line that NEVER gets…

Bullshit. If he'd never hit her before, he would've reacted to the fact that he knocked her unconscious like, I don't know, a man who had never punched his girlfriend would react. Not stand there like it was nbd, kick her legs out of the way of the door, and then drag her around like a sack of fucking potatoes.

I just want to say that I agree with everything you've said, except there's gotta be a better way to acknowledge that abuse victims are often severely financially dependent on their abusers, without saying that they're staying for the money.

There are a multitude of excruciating factors that make leaving damn near…

Wow. For a guy who doesn't have some serious issues with how he treats women, he sure seemed non-plussed after knocking her out with one punch.