Brangelina can pull off a secret wedding and I can't even pull off carrying a tampon to the bathroom discreetly. Teach me your ways!

And still others are angered by the fact that Sam has been the victim of an apparent double standard, wherein high-profile draftees like Johnny Manziel—white, rich, and straight—are celebrated for racking up endorsements and Instagramming themselves holding fistfuls of cash while Sam, who grew up in extreme poverty…

Because I am a little old lady, the bit about Sam opening up once he learned Glazek was gay makes me worried. Glazek seems like an awesome guy, but I fear that one day Sam will trust the wrong reporter just because he's on the same team and get burned for it.

You're totally right; the way in which he has turned down most of his sponsorship opportunities, canceled the reality documentary after negative feedback, performed well in the preseason, and given one interview since being drafted by the Rams (in which he talked about how performing well in the preseason gave him…

Because I am really old and have ever been close to hip he was my second thought - my default for "Riff Raff" is Riff Raff from Underdog.

My 75 year old mom lived with us for a few years before she had to go into a home. My teenagers noticed she was trying to copy their teenage mannerisms and slang occasionally. They picked the most outrageous thing they could imagine her saying and kept throwing it into sentences. The payoff worked when we hosted…

My grandmother was also someone who was impeccably dressed whenever she faced the public. She hated cursing, smoked like a chimney, loved her beer and vacationed for a week in Vegas every year. She taught me how to play poker and pinochle and was not the sort of grandmother who wouldn't take the last nickel from her…

My grandmother (in law, but she is better than my blood related grandmas so I'm claiming her as my own) recently moved into a retirement home. She called to chat and said "One of my friend's daughters told me about this equation in which a man's ideal partner is half their age +7 years. So I'm on the hunt for a foxy…

When I saw "Riff Raff", my brain first went to:

Okay, this sounds familiar. I am a disaster when I first get up. I am very confused by alarms and have had people have to wake me up instead because I can sleep through one in a disoriented state. I am uncoordinated and do a lot of walking into door frames and just generally have trouble making actual words for the…

He looks like Jonathan C Reilly and a baked potato had a baby and it ate lead paint.

One summer day during my teenage years, my mother left to go to work with my little sister and I sleeping happily. My mother is a paranoid woman, and had a habit of calling to check on us frequently. She gets to work and naturally calls to check how my sister (probably 6 or 7 years old) are. I did not wake up, but did…

Doesn't really qualify as Asleep Drunk, but here goes: One time, I committed the ultimate sin of falling asleep while receiving oral. (I know! But I was sooooo sleepy! I'd been on this long bike ride and I was half asleep when we started messing around.) Anyway, I started having a dream about McDonald's while he was…

Mine used to do this whenever I climbed into bed after he was already asleep. I dubbed it the "boob check", and decided it was his way of confirming that I was not an imposter.

My fiancé likes to sleep-grope my boobs. For a man who sleeps like a log, he always seems to know exactly where they are at all times of the night. It's a weird superpower.

I once woke my dad up and he blurted out "Mitsubishi subwoofer, $15,000."

I thought confusion arousal is what you feel upon meeting a physically attractive Republican.

"Actress Acts En Route to Winning Award for Acting"

My god, I was also thinking "how could that happen? ridiculous" but you prompted me to check my super secret candy stash (it's like 2 security clearance levels above my regular hidden candy stash) and goddamn if there wasn't a single, gleaming, 6 month old maple sugar candy leaf perched atop that pile. Still sealed…

One busy Saturday night, the head chef & 1/2 owner was working at a fine dining place I used to work at. I know that doesn't sound odd, but he couldn't handle the stress of the Saturday night shift, so he usually worked at the gourmet pizza place instead. They had a big sexual harassment suit against them before I…