Somewhere, Debbie Matenopoulos just looked up from the lemon water she was sipping and gasped, "Someone just mentioned me on the Internet!!!" ;)

• Apparently Kylie Jenner pulled a knife on Kendall Jenner after they fought over lemons. Looks like Every Villain is, indeed, Lemons. (Spongebob, anyone?) [Inquisitr]

it just makes me think of a snake eating bread

"He has taught us sound doctrine."

It's amazing that in less than 200 years America has gone from "blacks aren't people" to "okay blacks are kind of people" to "yeah, we get it, they're people but we're still going to treat 'em like shit" to "ugh leave us alone, they're treated like shit but we're pretending they're not" to "fuck it, corporations are…

My boyfriend is a living bitch-slap to this lie about crushed genitals: He is hung like a whale (and I can compare, because I've been a certifiable slut for eight years) and he sits with his legs crossed all. the. time. He shakes his head when he sees this shit.

Guys. We don't believe you. What we do believe: You've…

The friend from letter 3? She's probably just making a joke without realizing that it's coming off as invalidating to her friend. It sounds to me like she's trying to relate, in a little bit of a weird way.

Everybody in this life has his or her personal line that cannot be crossed. I want you to ask yourself what your line is.

For Vendetta, yes.

In defense of Florida, this happened yesterday:

But it's my fault because I didn't want kids. I basically made him do it, right? /s

Semi-relevant story time! I was friends with a guy for a year or so, and then I was like, "He's cute, maybe I should see if we could be more," so I invited him to meet me at a bar. We ended up going back to his house together where he seemed really determined to sleep on the couch. I didn't get it but I thought maybe…

Bruno Mars was just heard to utter, "Ouch!"

Geez. Photographed leaving a club but not together is stretching the definition of "humping again" to what has to be its legal limit. I once left a club at the same time as Lyle Alzado and, BOY, was I not humping him, wetly or otherwise.

I read that as poop bag for my pouch. My reaction: huh? Oh, colostomy, sad. POOCH. Oh ok.

Oh, Tony...

Meanwhile, the mold in the house is calling up and getting quotes for a Kardashian removal service.

Only the great taste of Diet Pepsi in the skinny can!

She is as beautiful as can be! But in this photo the only expression on her face is "File Not Found."