Because the internet is more interested in a slapping contest between 1.5 grown men and their respective exes?

Again, if anyone can arrange it, I have a standing $5000 bet with a friend that I can throw Justin Beiber completely over a mid-size sedan. If this can be arranged, I'll donate $4000 of it to charity and spend the other $1000 on heating oil.

If she shat on him and then giggled, I'll allow it.

No amount of tragedy excuses endorsing Michele Bachmann for president.

Fresh Prince? Never worked with the guy.

See, I would assume he would drink anything, no matter how shitty. I mean, can he even taste booze at this point? Show me Martha Stewart sipping your liver-pickler and I'm in. An endorsement from Keifer just makes me think your bottle is the easiest to hold while driving.

It drives me nuts that "pie-ella" is the accepted pronunciation of paella in the UK. I itch every time I hear it. Idiosyncratically, I have the same scratchy reaction when I hear fellow Brits pronounce chorizo as "chor-ee-tho", even though I know that it's authentically Spanish. It just makes an English person sound…

Yeah, I have that problem with pho. And often enough, if you pronounce it correctly, people don't even know what you're talking about, so you have to pronounce it the wrong way anyway. And of course I usually manage to make it more awkward than it even needs to be!

When I was in the Army, our base hosted an annual open house and carnival where the local civilians could get a tour of our armored vehicles, artillery pieces, helicopters, honor guards, and weapons. Everything was laid out on our parade field, and they even had a few machineguns set up to fire blanks.

If you were in the US, it's somewhat understandable. Leeks are expensive in the US, compared with other places. I have a bunch of Dutch cookbooks and while onions show up on occasion, you'd think the book was written by the National Leek-Growers Association.

I really want this guy to be a cousin of the monogrammed coffee thermos guy.

A woman ordered beef carpaccio with aoli, then freaked the fuck out because I brought her "raw meat and mayonnaise". I had to get a manager because she refused to believe that carpaccio actually existed and I didn't just grab a hunk of raw meat & serve it to be a bitch.

Australian? Cause my friend* totally dated that guy, and now every time I see his new wife and baby on Facebook I wonder how the sperm actually got up where they should. They would have had to take walking poles and a packed lunch.

Jeff the God of Biscuits is now my new homeboy. Sorry, Jesus.

I thought Hercules was just the Roman name for Heracles? Didn't they just go Oh, these gods are good. better than the ones we've got. "Cause the Roman gods before that were kind of crap, you know – Jeff, the god of biscuits. And Simon, the god of hairdos. And uh, you know, they had the god of war, the god of thunder,…

Ahahahahaa on the stairs position. My husband is desperate to do it while standing up. But he's tall, I'm average, and we just do not line up! And as a fat, I wouldn't even want him to attempt to lift me up and do it standing up that way. One time while drunk and trying it, I was like "I should just stand on…

This is the story of how I broke several state laws and had a miserable time.

There was this guy in my college group of friends who everyone had done the deed with. He was a bit of a slut and he was also tall, blonde, and lanky. I can't fault a soul who banged him.