They're all going to MOO AT YOU

I currently live right next to a Planned Parenthood. They have regular protestors. Mostly old white men, who hold up signs. They pass out inaccurate pamphlets about birth control because apparently birth control is not how you prevent unwanted pregnancies and abortion. I hate them with a blinding passion. Every time I…

DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING TO SCHOOL? IN THE JUNGLE BABY! YOU'RE GONNA DIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

MY DAD IS IMPORTANT is in the lead, but IT WASN'T REALLY A THREAT I WAS JOKING is thundering up the rear. And now I'M GONNA GET YOU FIRED is making his move!

He's a very important person. He sells monogrammed coffee thermoses.

You know, shit like this and tl;dr have got to be the most ridiculously stupid internet crap ever invented. If you don't feel like reading something, fine. But why would you want to advertise the fact? Does it provide some pleasure to you to go out of your way to let everyone know how much you didn't read something…

What can we learn from reading the comment threads on this article?

1) Based on seemingly nothing, good writers are only, always and exclusively people who write short things.

At least he died doing what he loved: ruining a soccer game for everyone else involved.

Tebow was a huge distraction, but he got multiple chances. And he was garbage. But he was at least given the opportunity to prove how awful he was. And even when he showed that people defended him. Apparently the distraction of loving men is okay, as long as that man is Jesus.

Hope denied. Tebow isn't an NFL level QB, and the fact that Dungy thought he was shows that either he's not a very good judge of talent (possible, though his successful record as an NFL coach casts some doubt on that) or that he was so blinded by Tebow's intangibles that he was willing to talk him up.

Boy, that is not as fun as I thought it would be.

Oh, he only wants gay people to be discriminated against in marriage, one of the most fundamental institutions that society is based on, and one that brings with it basic human benefits like the ability to share insurance, leave inheritances, and visit one another in the hospital?

Hey Mike Vick might have slaughtered innocent puppies with his bare hands but at least he didn't love another human being.

By that logic, Gandhi and Hitler both did their jobs pretty well, too. I would hope nobody thought about it that way though.

You should have gone to the bathroom and said "I'll send you something too", then sent him a picture of a bigger dick.

I hope this wins just for the sentence "A PhD student lived in our mango tree."

My college roommate ended up setting the whole 3rd floor of our dorm on fire and committing manslaughter. I wish I was making this up, but it's 100% true.

About five years ago my partner and I were living in a shitty 3-bedroom apartment. We rented it because we had had a roommate lined up, then she didn't pay rent, so out she went and we tried to go it alone for a while before giving up and looking for a new roommate.

My worst roommate was back in about 2005/06 when I rented out a house with my best friend and her church friend. It was a little of a weird combination to have a gay man (myself) and two liquor-drinking GCBs. We'll refer to my friend as Sam, and her church friend as Anne.

Oh wow, I knew there'd come a day to bring out this one. I've had a dirty roommates, pervy roommates, the roommate who discovered heroin one summer, but none of them came close in sheer WTFness to my first ever roommate; my stalker.