I’d buy your autobiography, anytime

Bryan: it shears them off with scissors, not sheers. Please don’t post video of you burning this comment!

Apparently you’ve never tested a toothbrush...

There will also be corn served.

“Didn’t really have no taste! Kinda spongy, though...”

And were you a belching, sodden, disgusting mess?

Now compute the money you wasted...

I hope they didn’t try to sell it as Diet...

Many thermostats have such schedulers and are not wifi capable. Did you buy your first thermostat last year?

That’s how you cruise, baby. Just lean back and do the most you can with your fingertips...

Getting a Nexus because I’m tired of Apple making life harder just for the dough.

A lot of people like Nickleback, too. Doesn’t mean they’re not idiots.

You never played a FLAC you uploaded to Google Play? Guess not.

People less douchey than your good self.

Loggers in the Pacific Northwest fought against the spotted owl protections, arguing that if they were not allowed to log the last of the old growth forests, their families’ way of life would be lost. Then, three years later, after they had logged all the trees, they lost all their jobs anyway. If they were geniuses,…

Yep, because if one company fails, that means the industry as a whole is beyond redemption. Thank heaven Wall Street never needed bailing out.

This is some grade A trolling. Fill it up with ethyl, and revulcanize my tires.

Yeah, and all it requires in return is that you maintain a 45 year old car! But at least you’ll be safe on those downhill gradients! You’re freaking odd.

Yeah, it’ll be easy to keep your eyes on the road while trying to press some random piece of real estate on a flat piece of glass down to the right of you. Might as well replace the windshield with internet advertising while you’re at it.

“You don’t own a phone so that fixes that problem?” Get rid of your computer and you’ll never worry about password security again. Think of the smugness you’ll get to convey!