The sun and moon are flat discs. The other planets (I’m not kidding), they don’t exist. Who has seen them? NASA photos? FAKE! Telescope photos? Also fake. Also, telescopes themselves are “fake.” (I’ve been told that many times.)

They have interviewed random former army men who claim that they never had to compensate for the curvature of the earth nor the Coriolis effect. Of course, they were all low level grunts with dubious backgrounds, but there it is.

That’s an easy one: “the ship just appears scrunched up, but magnification will show it clearly.”

Also: a subset of flat earthers believes NASA faked going to the moon, to cover up what a real moon mission would discover — that the moon is a hologram maintained by a fleet of alien ships. (I’m not making this up.)

No, there’s an ice wall. Believe me, I’ve spend hundreds of hours talking to these idiots.

Yes. The wall is protected by the military so you can’t photograph it.

They claim that gravity is fake, that the Cavendish experiment has never actually been demonstrated, even though it’s demonstrated all over the world (those are faked).

Actually, YouTube is full of hollow and dome earthers calling flat earthers morans, and vice versa.

Sandy Hook truthers tell even the parents of the dead that their children aren’t really dead, that they’re part of a conspiracy.

There’s an ice wall 100 miles high around the edge of the flat disc. There are no pics of it because the military guards it and takes your camera away if you take pics. And they silence those who try to speak about it.

The Old Testament God was smiting Hebrews in 240 BC, so yes. Besides, Eratosthenes was part of the Illuminati, which has always been around.

Flat earthers, in fact, insist strenuously that the horizon is “always at eye level.” The fact that it drops a few degrees at altitude is not noticeable to the naked eye, therefore it does not exist.

This is true even among actual scientists. They say “science proceeds one funeral at a time.”

They will tell you that you’re really flying in a circle over the flat disc of the earth, arriving back at point A. Compasses follow this pattern (somehow), and you’re somehow not able to notice, out your window, that instead of flying over the North Pole or whatever, you’re seeing NYC, then Brazil, then Africa, then…

Dude, those “satellite” communications your soldiers are using is really just ground-based towers. Duh. Which is why “there’s no GPS over the oceans” (there is, but it helps if you swallow this too).

This is also the explanation for belief in God: the mind recoils in horror from believing that bad shit just happens at random, and there is no meaning to the universe; ergo, there’s gotta be somebody, somewhere, to make sense of it all.

Until they’re launched on Americans.

“It’s people!”

$20 billion is not a lot for landing a man on Mars.

President Tang, indeed.