I am allergic to crunchy!

"We have a TON of questions about the salmon."

Can you start a new series of posts about shitty retorts to these stories? That would be just as fantastic.

'to be fair' is the new 'actually' is the new 'um'

They have always reminded me of roaches. Under water, extra large, cockroaches.

I hope it was not a wild chicken.

I'm going to go for the obvious question. How do you know you are deathly allergic to lobster if you've never eaten it?

Sure, there are good reasons to not order farm-raised salmon. But this dude was somebody who clearly didn't actually ever want to order the salmon OR the beer and just wanted to ask stupid questions for no reason at all. If he'd actually cared how much beer was in a pint, he would've ordered the pint, but he didn't,…

She plays Russian Roulette with 5 chambers loaded.

Depending on where you get it, it can actually be not that great. It's really more of a melted butter delivery vector than actual quality foodstuff in its own right. If you just get some imitation crabmeat and melt some butter for dipping, you'll get a rough amalgam of a cheap lobster dinner.

Ladies and gentleman, I give you the tale of Saint Basil Fuckoff, the patron saint of waiters and bartenders.

Honestly, the obsession with lobster baffles me. I'm allergic, and people flip the fuck out when they find out I've never had lobster. I have been told by multiple people, no joke, to eat some in the hospital parking lot then go in. Just so I can say I've had lobster.

I was going to mention the truck driver and PTSD. Another victim of these parents' willful idiocy.

Nope, they refused to help her. They bullied her... and eventually killed her.

Good. Fuck them. Let them feel it. Also just because they meant well (Yeah, that means a whole lot) doesn't mean they didn't drive their daughter to suicide. She basically fucking spells it out in the note.

No. It's not enough. The mother is still referring to her as a boy and claiming that 'he' is up in Heaven as an angel now. She didn't learn a single lesson.

"Early morning walk" at 2:30 am. Fucking denial.

They didn't lose their kid — they drove their own child to self-destruct, because they couldn't let her live as a person instead of as an extension of themselves.

not really. not every person deserves your sympathy.

Based on the mother's comments it sounds like they're even in denial that she actually committed suicide. They're just going to end up blaming the truck driver.