I obviously did not think this through.

"And then I shall rip open your femoral artery with my razor sharp talons," says the adorable baby owl.

Hello, little baby owl. I'm going to put you in my pocket.

Solid strategy: stop reading the second you find something to be bothered about. If you keep reading then the rest of the paragraph might fix the problem, and you won't be able to feel put upon and make it about you.

Seriously, any dude that uses "libations" (or even worse "m'lady") who is not dressed in period-accurate reproduction clothing needs to be drawn and quartered. The Queen has so ordered.

For the people who don't know: any person has the right to refuse to show an ID to the police. Refusing to show an ID is not cause for arrest.

Ariana Grande's aesthetic is anything but sexy. She's a woman in her 20's trying to look like a baby prostitute. It's pretty disturbing, and also ironic that her aesthetic says "sweet" but her personality is anything but lol.

This one never fails to make me laugh. I so want to go to the state fair every day. They have baby pygmy goats!

I love Beyonce, but is anyone else getting tired of her and Jay pushing their relationship in the media? For a couple that prides themselves on being private, they're giving themselves too much publicity.

I think I can win this.

Yeah, head pain like that is no joke. When I was in college, the health center nurse sent me to the ER when I had a migraine that wouldn't let up for 4 days (I get them chronically, but that one was abnormally long), "just to make sure you don't have an aneurysm or a tumor or something". It was sort of alarming, but I…

"Moaning quietly into a napkin about clocks?"

Before people get all huffy about going to the hospital for a migraine, intense head pain can be a symptom of stroke, even if no other 'classic' stroke symptoms are present. Maybe Kanye is being over cautious, maybe he has family history and is being suitably cautious. Either way, health worries blow for everyone.

I missed the homophobia in the Taylor Swift video and didn't agree with the cries of racism. This is terribly cute, though all but one fraternity brother need to really commit to those dance moves!

I really want to believe that all over Hollywood, there are countless celebrities engaged in a custody battle for Ben Stiller.

I always find Jennifer Aniston cheating rumours really interesting. I mean, even if he did cheat and didn't get caught, would she out him? Or would she stay with him? Or if he did get caught would she ruin his career, cheating on America's Sweetheart wouldn't be a great career move would it?

Other things that started with/by John Mayer: