If you're a musician and your manager comes to you and suggests you follow the "Michael Jackson career path" you should fire that person immediately.

"This may be a case of you keep the childhood trauma hidden away for about ten/fifteen years and then something happens and EVERYTHING comes flooding out."

From what I understand, Shia LaBeouf had a very....distressing upbringing. His father battled drug addiction and mental stuff and he had to live on food stamps and one of the main reasons he went into acting was because it paid the bills.

I say good for him. Any modelling gigs and even paid appearances on reality TV will help him support himself and his family and help him keep on his path of rehabilitation. If he was legitimately turning his life around before his arrest, set backs like this can make it so much harder to keep on track. Maybe he can be…

At first I thought he had been arrested on stage mid-musical, and now I am sorely disappointed.

""He made me call my 93 year old grandma to thank her for my baby blue eyes!" That seriously sounds like something The Onion's Joe Biden would do right before offering her some pot or a ride in his firebird.

When I worked at a music store a long time ago (when people still went to stores to buy music) my manager told me that she'd read an article that people over the age of 25 yrs were intimidated in music stores and unwilling to approach sales staff for fear of being mocked/judged for their music choices. I expressed…

"I used to fix prolapsed monkey rectums when I worked at a primate breeding facility."

Actual verbatim gchat conversation that happened at 3:30 AM EST:

My driver's license lists my weight at about 50 lbs off what it actually is. If I can lie like a very fat dog on my driver's license and the cops would still know who I am, why can't this kid show a little sparkle? Ridic.

My first thought is to be surprised that there's a DMV employee in existence who gives this many fucks about anything about their job.

Last night I was walking the dog and passed a beautiful jasmine hedge. I thought "Those flowers would have looked so much better if they were like this" - shiny dark greens mixed with lots of pretty, delicate flowers. It would have been so much more dramatic and a nice backdrop to the dress. Why I think these things…

Exercise is not an effective way to lose weight. The only effective way is calorie restriction. I'm not suggesting you restrict calories, though, in my opinion for most people it would make far more sense to just focus on living a healthy lifestyle, exercising regularly, and say fuck what the scale says.

You really shouldn't be depending on emergency services for peace of mind.

Is Florida even real? Or is it a Christopher Guest movie?

Upside: With all the mouth-peelings it's like you get double the food!

The moment someone warmed by butter up for me, I'd agree to have as many of their babies as they wanted