“Good job out there, Chemosabe.”

little known fact: Bartolo Colon has undergone 2 Jimmy Johns surgeries.

As a Vonnegut fan, I so wish I had come up with, or had the nickname “Porterhouse 5"

Too bad Arod retired, “Pull out stuff” would fit nicely.

Dude. You know. Those little suckers can turn on you in a second.

no way this is awesome.

This kind of thing is why its completely impossible for me to hate John Cena as much as I want to.

Most meaningful is the genuine outreach from the Ricketts family, on behalf of the Cubs organization and fans, signifying to me that I am welcomed back into the Cubs family and have their support going forward.

And congrats to all the Cubs fans for getting another moment to pat themselves on the back for feeling bad about how they ruined this guys fucking life all those years ago. It’s ok now, he’s got jewelry.

Moises Alou must be pissed. Also, he’s probably upset.

The Wisconsin state fair is this coming week, so presumably he was doing some advanced scouting.

God, Mitch takes that big fat L right in his fucking face.

People I did not expect to save Obamacare, ranked:

Hey! The Mooch reads Deadspin!

This is exactly like the press outta North Korea. Not even a joke.

holy shit it’s happening already? fuck where did the summer go?

“Hey”- Munich.

The Falcons are just saving something for the second half. That sounds like a good game plan to me.

Daley Blind sounds like a braille newspaper

‘cause imma dummy