Jaffa Cakes are considered as cakes for taxation purposes, as we have a tax on chocolate covered biscuits and McVitie’s - the manufacturers and creators of these wee delectable monsters - was taken to court in 1991 to determine their status. They’re not biscuits, they’re cakes. It’s even in their bloody name!

Bernot gets my vote. Mostly for the inclusion of shortbread (as an actual Scot, I can attest that there is nothing more satisfying than freshly made, slightly warm, dusted-with-golden-caster-sugar shortbread). Pang was a close second, but...what in the trailer trash hell is going on in Suzanne-Mayer’s cupboards? Get…

I’d rather Uma than Ethan.  Uma as some sort of blissed-out 70s-hippy-mother throwback.  

OH FUCK PHOEBE CATES WOULD BE BRILLIANT.  Sorry, wee bit overexcited there!

I just want more Robin.  Robin was fucking brilliant.

I don’t think it was cruel. I think it was very realistic in a lot of ways. Children die all the time. We don’t like to see it because it makes us uncomfortable - well, that’s what the show does best. Bear in mind Barb was still a child when she was killed in season one. Was it okay for her to die because she was…

I...don’t see anything wrong with that?  It’s a damned sight more tasteful than some of the crap you see my fellow bleached-flour members wearing, that’s for damned sure.  And fuck the airline for humiliating her.  Fuck ‘em to infinity.

Looks like that thieving cunt who tried to swipe my mate’s Big Mac down in Kelvingrove Park the other week. That fucker got brained by my friend’s sister and a particularly heavy handbag. It won’t make that mistake again...

How much are you betting they’ll say “Fuck it, they’re not good enough for halloumi - just deep-fry a block of Velveeta and be done with it!”

Yeah, I had a similar reaction. It’s true what Roald Dahl said in The Twits after all...

It’s one of the criticisms that people have of Doctor Who, believe it or not - that those who are seen to be the victim of the episode-of-the-week’s Big Bad are forever lost. Good example of this was all of the people cyberconverted during the Battle of Canary Wharf - there was some fair amount of…

Funny thing is, that wood has more life and pizzazz than that joke’ll ever have...

I think I’ve only experienced fireworks with maybe two guys in total - the Maori guy I had a fling with back in 2002 and Mr Vinegar the first time I met him. I will say this about Mr Vinegar: he’s tremble-worthy. There’s a joke about Scottish men (that’s the real Scotsmen, not your paper Scots over in Canada and the…

Stella is what my favourite very-Australian declares to be “bogan-piss”. I concur (if only because she terrified me once by catching a rat by the tail with her bare hands whilst pissed as a fart on West George Street) There are far, far nicer European beers and lagers out there. Ditto Peroni.

Uh huh. And the rest of the time? Have you seen When A Man Loves A Woman?  Do we need to stage an intervention?  *fetches baseball bat*

You did yourself a massive favour with that.  Spoiler alert:  it’s a happy ending.  Yay.

This car looks like fun and given the tiny distances I need to travel to get to work (less than a mile to my office! I can see the bloody roof of the bloody place from my bloody living room!) and go for things like shopping, etc, it’d be perfect for me. I’ll have to pass on the grey/black/white ones though - I’ll have…

Why is this fucker still able to walk? Seriously, why the fuck is he still able to walk? You lay a hand on a child where I’m from and you’ll end up with your face scraping pavement - no matter who you think you are. He terrified that boy and his sister (I can’t be the only one who wanted to hug her and tell her it’d…

As a Brit, I think the Americans have been exceptional and it wouldn’t surprise me if they crushed the English side.  Mind you, it’d be hilarious - given the nationwide preening south of Carlisle - if the English women’s team won, given how many times we have to be reminded of 1966 (you know, the last time the English…

Yeah, my favourite with an old employer of mine was a strict requirement for applicants to have “at least” an honours degree.  The job they were advertising was data-entry.  When I asked why they wanted graduates, I was told, very huffily, that the job was “Ideal” for people looking to gain access to and progress in…