Ah, the “job seeker algorithm”. Just for shits and giggles, I once arranged for the head of my company’s HR department’s assistant to pop her boss’s CV into the...thing...they use and watched it pretty much reject his CV without a blink. Brought it up at the next manager’s meeting and pointed out that if the HR…

August, 2012, and I went on a date with a guy from work who got a bit too drunk and demanded that I let him fist me.  Rude.  I had him sacked the following Monday.

As soon as he offered to order for you, you should have run.  Run like Michelle Visage was coming after you, criticising your fondness for green.  AVOID!

Ugh.  Just...ugh.  No.  No no no no no no.  

They’re white, middle-aged and hausfraus just love ‘em.  Just like how we’ve got the godawful presenters here in the UK.

Don’t let it go to his hipster-head, but I’m with Kevin on this one.

There’s always adoption.  Just keep your options open.

Don’t you just love receipts?!

Just be glad that she didn’t punch you in the face, Spare.  Fuck off back under the protective folds of your pappy’s copious gut, you chinless fucktard.

I want someone to hold that voiceover prick down so I can fetch Gladys, my trust aluminium bat, so I can fucking reset those bulbs into nothingness.  His voice is even worse than the Panera Bint...and yes, we are aware of her scratchy Valley Gurl tones here in the UK...

Sorry, dude, but your article is a fail. Firstly, what you’ve attempted isn’t Welsh Rarebit, it’s American Rarebit. Beer (or stout) is an essential part of Rarebit and you’ve screwed that component over. Then you’ve added Gruyere cheese? Sweetie, no. Just no. Just...no. There’s nothing Welsh about Gruyere and quite…

Given my experiences of Fiona’s, I’m going to say her names Fiona. You’re a bell-end, Fiona. *hexes*

The unnamed woman spoke to a WSB-TV reporter, and reportedly claimed off-camera that “she never intended to shame any one person in particular and she posted it in a private group.”

String her up.  Seriously, just hang the cunt.  She’s of no use to anyone.  Murderous fucking shitbag.

Birmingham, obviously.

And if it were in Scotland, it would be completely appropriate to say “Yer maw, ya fat cunt” and then Glasgow-Kiss ‘em into next Sunday. You can Glasgow Smile ‘em if they really piss you off...

Maybe more people’ll turn up if he promises to wear the fuck-me-pumps and leather corset Ivanka loaned him from her “Daddy’s Favourite Hooker” line.

And we all know he’s hung like the knots on a gnat’s penis.  *files claws*

Oh God, Jenna’s bat-form. I was already cracking up at just how...useless she is and then that came on and I literally screamed “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!?” Mind you, my favourite bit was Tilda Swinton. And Evan Rachel Wood (or, well, the Immortal Princess of the Undead...) Just sheer brilliant hilarity...

Pshaw. You can keep your Pizza Hut. Here in the UK, I want to see Pizzaland make a comeback. Pizzaland was, in my opinion, far better than Pizza Hut. Plus their food didn’t taste like a rat tangoed across it.