How much are you betting they’ll say “Fuck it, they’re not good enough for halloumi - just deep-fry a block of Velveeta and be done with it!”

Yeah, I had a similar reaction. It’s true what Roald Dahl said in The Twits after all...

It’s one of the criticisms that people have of Doctor Who, believe it or not - that those who are seen to be the victim of the episode-of-the-week’s Big Bad are forever lost. Good example of this was all of the people cyberconverted during the Battle of Canary Wharf - there was some fair amount of…

Funny thing is, that wood has more life and pizzazz than that joke’ll ever have...

I think I’ve only experienced fireworks with maybe two guys in total - the Maori guy I had a fling with back in 2002 and Mr Vinegar the first time I met him. I will say this about Mr Vinegar: he’s tremble-worthy. There’s a joke about Scottish men (that’s the real Scotsmen, not your paper Scots over in Canada and the…

Stella is what my favourite very-Australian declares to be “bogan-piss”. I concur (if only because she terrified me once by catching a rat by the tail with her bare hands whilst pissed as a fart on West George Street) There are far, far nicer European beers and lagers out there. Ditto Peroni.

Uh huh. And the rest of the time? Have you seen When A Man Loves A Woman?  Do we need to stage an intervention?  *fetches baseball bat*

You did yourself a massive favour with that.  Spoiler alert:  it’s a happy ending.  Yay.

This car looks like fun and given the tiny distances I need to travel to get to work (less than a mile to my office! I can see the bloody roof of the bloody place from my bloody living room!) and go for things like shopping, etc, it’d be perfect for me. I’ll have to pass on the grey/black/white ones though - I’ll have…

Why is this fucker still able to walk? Seriously, why the fuck is he still able to walk? You lay a hand on a child where I’m from and you’ll end up with your face scraping pavement - no matter who you think you are. He terrified that boy and his sister (I can’t be the only one who wanted to hug her and tell her it’d…

As a Brit, I think the Americans have been exceptional and it wouldn’t surprise me if they crushed the English side.  Mind you, it’d be hilarious - given the nationwide preening south of Carlisle - if the English women’s team won, given how many times we have to be reminded of 1966 (you know, the last time the English…

Yeah, my favourite with an old employer of mine was a strict requirement for applicants to have “at least” an honours degree.  The job they were advertising was data-entry.  When I asked why they wanted graduates, I was told, very huffily, that the job was “Ideal” for people looking to gain access to and progress in…

Ah, the “job seeker algorithm”. Just for shits and giggles, I once arranged for the head of my company’s HR department’s assistant to pop her boss’s CV into the...thing...they use and watched it pretty much reject his CV without a blink. Brought it up at the next manager’s meeting and pointed out that if the HR…

August, 2012, and I went on a date with a guy from work who got a bit too drunk and demanded that I let him fist me.  Rude.  I had him sacked the following Monday.

As soon as he offered to order for you, you should have run.  Run like Michelle Visage was coming after you, criticising your fondness for green.  AVOID!

Ugh.  Just...ugh.  No.  No no no no no no.  

They’re white, middle-aged and hausfraus just love ‘em.  Just like how we’ve got the godawful presenters here in the UK.

Don’t let it go to his hipster-head, but I’m with Kevin on this one.

There’s always adoption.  Just keep your options open.

Don’t you just love receipts?!