Just be glad that she didn’t punch you in the face, Spare.  Fuck off back under the protective folds of your pappy’s copious gut, you chinless fucktard.

I want someone to hold that voiceover prick down so I can fetch Gladys, my trust aluminium bat, so I can fucking reset those bulbs into nothingness.  His voice is even worse than the Panera Bint...and yes, we are aware of her scratchy Valley Gurl tones here in the UK...

Sorry, dude, but your article is a fail. Firstly, what you’ve attempted isn’t Welsh Rarebit, it’s American Rarebit. Beer (or stout) is an essential part of Rarebit and you’ve screwed that component over. Then you’ve added Gruyere cheese? Sweetie, no. Just no. Just...no. There’s nothing Welsh about Gruyere and quite…

Given my experiences of Fiona’s, I’m going to say her names Fiona. You’re a bell-end, Fiona. *hexes*

The unnamed woman spoke to a WSB-TV reporter, and reportedly claimed off-camera that “she never intended to shame any one person in particular and she posted it in a private group.”

String her up.  Seriously, just hang the cunt.  She’s of no use to anyone.  Murderous fucking shitbag.

Birmingham, obviously.

And if it were in Scotland, it would be completely appropriate to say “Yer maw, ya fat cunt” and then Glasgow-Kiss ‘em into next Sunday. You can Glasgow Smile ‘em if they really piss you off...

Maybe more people’ll turn up if he promises to wear the fuck-me-pumps and leather corset Ivanka loaned him from her “Daddy’s Favourite Hooker” line.

And we all know he’s hung like the knots on a gnat’s penis.  *files claws*

Oh God, Jenna’s bat-form. I was already cracking up at just how...useless she is and then that came on and I literally screamed “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!?” Mind you, my favourite bit was Tilda Swinton. And Evan Rachel Wood (or, well, the Immortal Princess of the Undead...) Just sheer brilliant hilarity...

Pshaw. You can keep your Pizza Hut. Here in the UK, I want to see Pizzaland make a comeback. Pizzaland was, in my opinion, far better than Pizza Hut. Plus their food didn’t taste like a rat tangoed across it.

Those people are fucking monsters and should be staked as soon as they speak. If you want a “traditional” pasta, capelli d’angelo is one of the oldest pastas from Italy.  It’s perfect with light sauces - as above (though I’m itching to add some breadcrumbs like my granny does along with a skoosh of lemon and some…

God, just switch to celsius already.  Whilst you’re at it, go metric.  Measuring is so much more bloody simple.  Twits.

At last, Chad and Becky can grill their uninspiring and under-seasoned chicken to their uninspiring EDM Spotify playlist!  

No, that’s London.  Londoners are notorious wankers.  Best sprayed with bleach and exposed to sunlight.  *firm nod*

Hmm. I’ve had a variety of holiday-related disasters - being stuck on a plane which flew over the tail-end of the Great Storm of 1987 (fucking hell, never again), being on a 747 that experienced rather dramatic turbulence flying over Indonesia (always fun when you’re trying to quaff a G&T and the wee telly says you’ve…

Look at wee Kevin pounding away on that metal table and probably scaring the everlasting living shit out of his neighbours!  *wuffle* (Just press down on the blade and stop making that racket, you twit)

So they can figure out if you’re going to be a cunt to them or not?

Yeah. I feel that vegetarian/vegan meals on aircraft are the ultimate afterthought in customer comfort. “Oh, you don’t eat meat? What do you mean, you don’t want beef or cow?” And you’re left, literally, to starve. Fuck you, BA.