Kim Kardashian isn’t camp. Pathetic, yes. Camp, no. Overexposed, yes. Camp, no.

Gawd yes!

Shitheart, the eightie called. They want to remind you that it’s 2019, saggy cowl-neck tops are not a good look and please, condition your nasty rats-nest hair. Oh, and please remember, o fellow white people, wear sun-protection and adopt a decent after-sun skincare regime unless you want to look like this fucking…

Fucking cousins, more than likely.

Me, pretty much right now...

Drown the fucker in the sea.  Pop him in a sack, chuck a few concrete blocks in and just drop him in the ocean.  

Before Sunrise, 1995, by Richard Linklater. I snuck into that film because, well, I had a crush on Ethan Hawke (I know) and it really resonated with me. Plus, Julie Delpy in that film almost had me convinced I was straight for a while...

She looks like something rejected from Stepford.  *shudder*

Oh, for fuck’s sake, sit down you spectral shit.  No one cares.  

Yeah, but what if it had shrimp in it?

See, I’d pass by that tray every few minutes and swipe a slice of tomato but never the iceberg.  That stuff is rancid.

Ooops, forgot my favourite tweet from this morning....

So...if Beyonce is champagne, Taylor Swift is sparkling white wine?  How the hell is that cretin still making music?

Shame it wasn’t boiling oil thrown at Tommy, sorry, no. Look. I demand that this site stop referring to him as Tommy Robinson. His actual name is...

Plus, she didn’t believe in lesbians so, ladies...you’re all imaginary!

He’s a lazy shit compared to other royals like, say, Brenda and Phil and not forgetting his father and his stepmother.  Princess Anne - my mother’s favourite - is one of the busiest royals out there and relatively well-loved compared to Baldy and The Grinner.  

Oh yeah, he’s played around.  I’d say he’s still playing around when she’s not looking.  

Take your star, goddamn you!

The only one of those choices that didn’t make my gag reflex kick in like the thought of going down on Theresa May (shudder) was the cubano.

The doner kebab is widely considered to be the ultimate slag of sandwiches here in the UK. Sort of like a final boss of sandwiches. FINISH HIM!!!! (I can’t, you shriek impotently, for I have filled up on the cheap chips that accompanied it!)  The Yanks can’t even handle decent dance music, sorry, “EDM”, what makes you…