Piss off with your brioche, Pang. They taste greasy and people only use them because they look good on an Instaslut’s page. I bet you put avocado on your burger, don’t you? And fuck off to the insane fuckers who insist on toasting both sides of the bun - especially those with sesame seeds. Burned sesame seeds taste…
I’m going to hug you now, whether you like it or not. Not all of us have supportive families - my mother pretty much went “okay” and then asked me what I wanted for dinner when I came out to her, and my stepdad basically shrugged it off. It’s no big deal for them. Christ, it was a bigger deal for them finding out that…
There’s a park in Glasgow that was occupied by Canadians a few years ago - Canada geese, to be exact. They’re adorable and everyone loves them (mostly because they’ve nearly forced out the hyper-aggressive swans (piss off, you regal-looking fuckers...), but bloody hell, they’re a loud bunch of buggers. Typical…
Heh. I live in an area where geese come here en masse every year. We don’t call them flocks round her - we call them squadrons. They pretty much land wherever they fancy round here - there’s been occasions where my parents have discovered an indignant goose waddling around in their back garden, and it’s not an…
Ah, Waitrose. The middle-class wanker’s food nirvana, where they have a quarter of the store devoted to nasty overpriced cheese and another quarter devoted to gin. The shop that launched an Essentials range - you know, things the store think you’d buy again and again? - that included artichoke hearts, “Seville Orange”…
On yon Anti-Abortion Cunts story in the Guardian - we’re desperately trying to get these bastarding fuckwits banned from being anywhere near a family planning clinic or our hospitals. There’s a ghoulish little crowd of the little mouthbreathing twats always lurking at the entrance to the new Queen Elizabeth University…
You clearly know nothing of the British tendency to be awfully polite to utter twats before twatting them over their twattish head with a twatting great big twatty stone. Our politeness? Is our greatest weapon. Then again, I’m Scottish, and we’re extremely well-known for the legendary twist of the English language…
You just earned a star. I agree with everything you said there. As a fellow carnivore, I’m happy eating whatever tastily-prepared pieces of carcass are tossed in my slathering way. But I’m also friends with a shitting tonne of vegetarians and vegans - not to mention a couple of people who have actual coeliac disease…
Personally, I think you should give me a gig writing about food. It can’t be any worse than any of Pang’s entries into the oeuvre. *files claws, smiles beatifically*
Ah, but are you talking Generic-Shite-Pasties or are you talking the trademarked you-must-make-it-like-this-or-you-can’t-call-it-a-Cornish-Pasty? Because the latter? Made right? Is a work of culinary art going back hundreds of years in Cornwall (pronounced Corn-wull, not Corn Wall, you transatlantic softheads!)
Does his special wee diet include the several gallons of Nazi cum that he has to ingest on a daily basis? Fuck off, Dorsey. Back in your hole. Off you pop.
That style of bacon is actually cut quite thin - not much thicker than your average rasher. The great thing about Ayrshire bacon is that not many supermarkets carry it (I usually get mine from our butchers and that woman is a bloody goddess - literally!) It’s also less processed than your average rasher, which means…
Of course it’s good - I’m a Brit, after all!
I’m a bit of a slutty whore-bitch when it comes to my burgers. This requires music...
What a stupid concept. The J-B is pure simplicity - bread, butter and ham. That’s all. Basically anyone - anyone- can replicate a J-B as long as they’ve got a good baguette, good butter and good ham. And if not, why, you could always electrocute a pig and make your own!