Christ, you’d think the selfish bastard would have left a recipe for a decent salsa or, heaven forbid, a semi-decent casserole. If such a thing would ever exist...

I think you mean “American Cheese”.  No one wants that shit.

There’s a few places that brew craft beers here in Scotland that are known to be brewed up by women and they’re pretty damned popular from what I’ve been told. Then again, it’s said that us Scots would drink paintstripper as long as it was served in a tall frosted glass with a dainty cocktail umbrella...

Regardez, tout le monde!  C’est la reine des cons!

Because the server at your artisanal place smells they’ve been doing rude things to the parmesan?  Soap is not their enemy...

If I got a bill for $108 I’d ask the server if the chef would still love me the next day and promise to call me.  And then I’d probably stick a $20 tip on there.  If I can afford $108 on a clearly substandard meal that finishes with a slice of fucking Key lime pie, you bet your bottom dollar I’m going to tip…

One thing to note - if you’re going to make this for the wee folk (no, not the things that steal your milk and sit on your shoulder and chat to you, Maureen. You might want to consider anti-psychotic medication for that, you fucking random. I mean the wee folk, aka kids) you might want to try making a version of the…

Sounds like Jimmy John’s trying to remake the jambon-beurre...

What is this “Leftover Wine”? Is that the sort of thing served post-Rapture?

Of all the hot sauces out there, the most under-used (at least, given the idiots who do these fucking stupid hot sauce challenges) is Thai sweet chilli sauce. Most commercial sweet chilli sauce is relatively mild, but I learned, years and years ago, that you can make it as hot or as mild as you want and you can change…

Well the handles can be used as a dildo if you’re really desperate and your cucumber’s getting a bit too manky...

It’s not “seasoning”, Jan, it’s baked on lard...

It’s the nature of British telly shows, to be honest. GBBO always had a strong undertone of camaraderie and teamwork that you don’t often get with, say, American television shows. Mind you, the biggest controversy was Dianagate/Alaskagate, which was frankly hilarious...

Prinsesstarta is one of my favourite cakes to make, though I have to get Mummy Vinegar to make the marzipan. I think I’ve made that cake in every bloody colour I could think of. The really tricky thing though is getting the dome shape right and not making the whipped cream overly sweet. And you have to use raspberry…

Kale, eh?

Is a hot dog a sandwich? No. It’s fucking delicious if you don’t demand wanky toppings. None of this fucking kimchi and artisinal bread shite - just a plain bun, a hot dog (I prefer mine grilled) and mustard and possibly onions (though I have to inspect said-onions before I allow them to grace my meat and shut up you…

Mr Vinegar’s big brother worked for a while in the States and was considered to be weird because he always told stadium vendors and the like to keep the change. Seems that he worked with a pack of absolute cunts (less said, the better). I don’t see what the problem would be with tipping a stadium vendor - I mean, they …

And remember, kids, marketing people are the worst.  They are literally the prolapsed anuses (anii?) of the film industry.  

Eggs and burgers are a classic combo at Chez Vinegar. That and beetroot slices. As Mr Vinegar says - it’s all very New Zealand.