I’m in Scotland, but I can be there by the weekend and I’ll bring fucking bagpipes to play at 3 am. Through his letterbox.

Why, oh why, oh why didn’t he get hit by a bus when he skipped off like that? Fucking scumbag.

For god’s sake, Travolta, just come out already. Also, get rid of the dead badger on your head, you twerp.

OMG, that is adorable. Where did you find it?

I remember, many many moons ago, that there was a girl in my college who fought off a would-be-rapist by gouging his face to fuck with her keys and then near-blinded him in one eye with her laser-pointer keyring and left him with lasting hearing problems by setting off a rape alarm right next to his ear. Apparently…

Oh, you know it. And hopefully the Youtubes drags her for it.

It’s hard to like an artist who starts off his tracks with the very Mariah-esque “ooh” and “uuuh” before they actually get to the lyrics.

I prefer using soap. I just feel cleaner for having used it. I don’t know if you guys Stateside have coal-tar soap but, dear god, that stuff is good. It comes in bright orange bar, has a rather nice smell and, because the bar can last a rather long time, is easily popped into a hockey-sock so you can bitch-slap the…

A nebula of stars for this. Marsellais do a fabulous line of soaps (and, eek, body washes!) that are utterly lovely. I’m a huge fan of their vanilla soap myself...

What the actual fuck is wrong with your country? Seriously.

No, I’m with you on the impact for her future employment. I hope she fucks everything up with this. I doubt Academia will even breathe on her once the dust settles. *rude hand-gesture Beckywards*

When all else fails, just add chicken. Joking.

So...Becky didn’t think that maybe she was a student taking a nap? Didn’t ask her for ID before calling the cops? No? Yeah, you’re a turd, Becky, a big fat stinking turd of elephantine proportions (with serious frizz going on - conditioner is your friend (probably be your only friend after all of this)). You deserve…

A whole galaxy of stars for this.

He’s that dumb a fuck he probably would.

I have an Italian grandmother (we’re talking the real thing, not some hokey second-generationer) who once said to me that Italian food is supposed to be simple, it’s supposed to be made with good, honest ingredients and it’s supposed to be enjoyed by all. That said, she’s been known to bitchslap someone with a wooden…

Silvio was/is a sleazebag. Your president has access to nuclear weapons. Big difference.

Sweetie. Calm yourself down before you do yourself a mischief.

Spanish crisps, sorry, “Chips”, have always been some of the most superior I’ve had on the Continent. Just a bloody fact. And Iberico-flavoured crisps aren’t something new, you know.

*files nails*