Did your brains get fucked out when you were getting touched up by your father or something? Seriously?

I agree with Eureka, Aquaria and Monet - they were the highlight of a seriously awful episode. I was really hoping that Eureka would get it - but it was everything that Aquaria did as Melanoma that sealed it - the hair, the squinting, the pursed-lip-smile, everything.

They have Bogans. And, if you’re a really shit parent - dingoes!

The Cassowary eats plants, fruit, seeds, other animals. That’s a feathered velociraptor right there...

Dear dumb tourists,

Fuck the Emu.

No way is Aunt Coulter’s thirty five. Seriously?

Yeah, as a fellow white-pleb, let me just say this: announcing your “Black People Achievements” isn’t really going to help. Troll off, Beckski.

Not since he bastardised Daft Punk’s Harder Better Faster, nope.

Because they make his chubby little paws look smaller.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S EVEN MORE!

Because he was a tit raised by gerbils, dear.

Did someone waste money on that Red Copper Pan as hawked by the beady eyed grandma of Satanic evil herself?

Self-respect? With that fucking cheap dye-job she’s got? I’ve seen more subtle bleaching on a twink’s anus.

It was delicious. I wish she’d been a bit more vicious, to be honest.

I always thought one of my American-born friends was crazy for turning down a job in the States to remain here in the UK - it was crap like this. She pointed out to me that having her wee girl here in the UK was nothing like in the States, but completely without worry for her. It’s not entirely free for non-UK…

I once tried to explain the difference in taste between Hershey and Cadbury’s but had to settle for music.

Agree. God fucking help them when their rancid wombspawn enter the real world.

Both her and John are utterly adorable. But...God help you if you come for her.

Love the whole “you’re black - just like us - how dare you ask these sort of questions!” crap.