First thought that came to mind.

Then she got really mad, everything burst into flames and all those bitches who tormented her at school died horribly.

Lack of showers is literally why I won't go camping. Girl Scout camp was a goddamn nightmare for me as a kid.

Every day. If you smelled me in the morning, you'd be thankful of this.

Is that a coffin or a styrofoam cooler? Because it looks like a styrofoam cooler.

My high school self fell hard for Contact Matthew McConaughey

Same with Misterbear and me. Started dating and became BFF along the way.

My wife is my best friend, easily. But it was not like we were friends before. We met dating and the friendship developed as the relationship developed.

I couldn't have dreamed of a more perfect Klosterman quotation to illustrate why I hate him unless he flat out said, " I engage specious rhetoric solely to delight myself. This is all I do."

Anything but those god-awful Lincoln commercials.

Anything but his rom com years.

More sarcastically, what is a "vertical" and is there an Adequate Man word for it?

Looks like they've made a clean getaway.

Doctors and scientists: two groups of people who should never say "uh-oh" when doing sensitive work.

This would assume that the only goal of "maintenance sex" is orgasm. I would argue that part of this maintenance is also about exacting from very intimate quality time with your partner, something that masturbation doesn't necessarily achieve.

My wife never wants to have sex anymore. Our relationship sounds like yours, sexually. I have thought about outsourcing and ultimately decided it's not for me. I just can't see investing my time and energy outside my family for something like that. And I wanna fuck my wife. I think if she suggested I satisfy my needs…

This is me. My husband has almost no sex drive due to a serious illness (he's better now) and depression medication. Before we knew about the serious illness, he lost his erection a lot. I took it very personally because we're only in our 30s. And now, even though I know his illness caused his issues, I cannot shake…

You probably should let him go be with someone who actually likes him then.

What about maintenance cuddling?