Seriously, if I catch you using skim or 2% we will have words

I’ve always disliked cake.

Unless it’s ice cream cake.

But in a pinch, I’ll ask for my cake in a cup.

Makes it a cupcake. Add ice cream on top.

Ice cream cup cake.

Years ago towards the end of my commute on an off ramp there was a clown shoe on the side of the road. I just assumed he gave up clowning and disappointed his family which had a long history of being clowns.

I thought they were looking for the socks that ran away from the dryer.

“So we were drinking one night....” or “You know the signs at the zoo that say don’t feed the animals?”

I’m thinking i could saute artichoke hearts in some garlic and butter and make a garlic white sauce. Maybe add some shredded chicken... and have a pretty classy lunchable pizza.

I hope Sober Claire and Drunk Claire get along better than Sober Steve and Drunk Steve.

This could also be read as a series of decisions. Learned how to tie a tie, kissed a girl, got girl pregnant, gained relationship fat, decided to learn a hobby, decided they needed a job, needed to learn to cook....

The dyslexic in me saw the following questions...

How to make belly pancakes
How to lose french toast
How to draw money

How to get pregnant is number 3??? This both is incredibly terrifying, and explains a lot about the over-population of humans.

I make “pseudo-over” easy eggs...basically start frying like normal with a pat of butter, but once the bottoms are halfway done to my liking I’ll add a few drops of water to the pan to create steam and then cover the pan (use a plate if you don’t have a cover that fits.

I saw Behavioral Event Interview open for Neutral Milk Hotel in 1997. Great show.

The best part of using mayo for grilled cheese is that even straight out of the fridge, it spreads thinly and evenly on even the weakest of breads. If the butter isn’t sitting out at room temp and you want a grilled cheese and have an aversion to mayo, you ain’t eating grilled cheese.

If your smoothie has grit in it, is it really a smoothie any more? Wouldn’t it be a grittie?

I messed up my hand pretty bad a couple of months ago. Thankfully no surgery but I needed a cast, several types of braces, and physical therapy. One of the braces is a finger splint with a spring. $15.99 on amazon. $88 billed and $50 charged to me after the insurance discount because I haven’t met my deductible yet.…

A French exit is just an Irish goodbye, while running away and waving a white flag.