Like, say, Marty Schottenheimer?

Everyone is arguing about BMI and obesity and whether or not a guy with a certain number is eligible to touch the football and all I’m here to say is those uniforms are outstanding.

Succinct and on point.

And yet, he just got a nice FAT extension. Man got paid like a #1 when he’s more like a #3.

Any dedicated reader of Deadspin knows that the St. Louis Cardinals are the chokingest team of all time, having gakked away a World Series (‘85 to the Royals) after leading 3-1 as well as a recent NLCS (‘12 to the Giants) after leading 3-1. among others. And, of course, they are the Cardinals. #BestFansinBaseball.

Or this guy:

I think this works for baseball, too, as I have a cousin in Arizona whose entire family are (is?) both Diamondbacks AND Rockies fans. To which I say, WHAT THE FUCK???

It’s his first trip through Deadspin, apparently.

Allow me to introduce you to this thing called NASCAR...

There’s always NASCAR.

Not to mention all the killin’ and murderin’.

Now George Washington = Nazi? That is one super-wide leap of logic.

Jeezus...can someone send every fucking member of the USWNT Player’s Association a pdf of what the First Amendment actually says so that we can stop having these dumb claims that their freedom of speech rights have been violated? Or maybe we can send them back to school for a seminar or something? Fuck, most of these…

And, quite frankly, if you are willing to amputate yourself to cheat in a race? Go ahead. Because you’ve literally handicapped yourself for the rest of your life.

I bet Magary is already writing his response.

There, FIFY.

Even year magic, I’d say.

Go watch the NFL.

Sounds like Sacramento to me.

Should they even be called “penalties” when they are used to decide the game after 90 minutes of “can’t break this tie” and another 30 minutes of “oh, God, I can barely run any more so I’m just gonna flop anytime an opposing player comes near me?”