Between this Mark Salling news and the ever present inconceivable support on twitter today for Bill Cosby, here is a picture of my puppy to cheer everyone up.

I’m always getting side eye at target but that’s mostly because my cart is always overflowing with toilet paper. I refuse to ever run out of toilet paper.

The ONLY airport magazines for me are tabloids ALWAYS. And of course I always have to flip through sky mall.

THIS. Die Hard/Love Actually is a false dichotomy. Brazil is here for you when you are ready for it, so long as you fill out a 27B/6

Huh, I’m surprised. I see you as very maternal in a lot of ways.

Freja? OMG you are my hero.

Their own money and ‘some man’s money’? I’m the only employed person in my household. So when my husband shops, he’s shopping with ‘some woman’s’ money. MINE? If you are married, it’s *our* money, not his and hers. What’s more: not all women are married or kept up by ‘some man’. It’s a bizarre notion to think that if…

Not today, because I’m all tied up with speedwalking everywhere and eating cats!

My hypothetical never-gonna-happen daughter will be named Chainsaw.

The best lies come from dads.

For some weird reason, my father told me that if you cut off your belly button, your butt would fall off. This fucking fascinated me, and I would spent way too much time thinking about what the inner workings of the human body could possibly be to make sure a thing happen.

Thank god. The time has finally come for me to start filming my cat shakespeare videos. My cat is named MacDuff and yet no one ever casts him as his counterpart in the Scottish Play. It’s time for the discrimination to end and I guess the cat and I will have to start our own company. We will launch as soon as I can…

On a positive note, the Oklahoma City Police Department’s statement on Facebook:

THESE WHITE TEARS GIVE ME THE LIFE FORCE OF A THOUSAND SUNS

hey u guyz im so sincere

yep , i write texts in full sentences

Have you heard the good news?