Nice thought but CPS is for punishing the underclass for being underclass. If anyone’s investigated it will be the victims’ parents when police notice a messy living room or dishes in the sink while taking the complaint. 

Cold pizza is proof that love exists, and that it spent the night in your fridge waiting just for you.

They’ll take my pizza away when they pry it from my cold, dead hands.

Uhh, seriously? That’s what you’re trying to figure out? Come on Bash... that is CLEARLY a chocolate-dipped waffle cone stuck to her head to be eaten later. I mean, if I had to keep a chocolate-dipped waffle come with me at all times, that’s where I’D keep it.

Looking at homeless people IS gross but I don’t see him putting forth any solutions. Luckily I actually have a plan for that problem!!!

My food can't touch so several different bowls or a plate with clear lines so the food knows it place. Yes, I know I'm weird about food.

I buy lunchables just for the trays.

Nothing like a mug of ice cream.

I eat everything out of a bowl. They also serve as cups in my apartment.

I’m starting to think this masterpiece might have been dumb luck.

Yet when I ask that question to teens on the city bus, *I* end up having to walk home.

Oh my fucking god! If I had a daughter and someone spoke to her like that, there would be hell to pay.

My mom told me you could tell who had lost their virginity because their butts would suddenly get bigger.

Okay... Uuum... Sure.

“Not on my watch, whores!”

“So, are you girls virgins? I can tell Julie is not because look at her exposed ankles. That’s the mark of a hussy. Put some clothes on Julie.”

perfect movie

I haven’t done the math, but I’m sure this is somehow Trump’s fault. STOP KILLING PEOPLE YOU ORANGE PEEL FOR A TOUPEE MOTHERFUCKER

It's widespread by definition.

All the pygmy sloth hugs in the world for you, my friend.