Remember: All these players have a solid CBA to make sure the umps and owners only have so much power.

Sorry buddy, Candy Corn is just bone meal and sugar and is only enjoyed by people who have never had a candy made after 1960.

If you’re not supposed to swallow it, it’s gum. Or chewing tobacco. Or Hardee’s. 

If the polar bear who learned to play football wants to eat them, who am I to say no? Probably the source of his powers. 

Why do idiots I never met keep fucking up silly, simple things that I like? Why? Fucking bastards.

You’ll never convince me he wasn’t eating those things by the box.

Actual lol at this.

“Stick is candy!”

Good sports blog. You hear that, you overlord prick bosses? They wrote a fucking sports blog, are you happy now?

[Anal] Blood for the Blood God

Gronk approve!!

Man, I know this has nothing to do with candy, but this all just sucks. I’ve been reading Deadspin basically everyday for over a decade, and it’s hard to watch what seems to be its death (and without any further knowledge. I keep checking the site and twitter to see if any news has broke). But at the end of the day,…

Venture capitalists HATE public domain songs.

That line is fucking ominous.

Jim Spanfeller looks like a guy who gives his niece lingerie for her birthday.

I like it...

The omission of Sour Patch Kids from this list is a travesty on the level of putting auto-play video ads on every fucking page of your website.

Seriously! But ALSO it’s the fucking day before Halloween: Reese’s Pumpkins, which are objectively the best Reese’s possible due to size, surface area, etc.

I like this list. The idea of eating more than one or two cadbury eggs is upsetting to me.

I’m sure you’re a very nice person Kelsey, but putting Reese’s Peanut Butter cups at #14 is insane. RPBC’s are always the best because science.