Tried to punch and kick a police officer? That guy should thank his lucky 4 stars he’s not a young black man.

“I believe in equality and all those things, but....”

older antagonist woman

THE OLDER ANTAGONIST WOMAN? THAT WAS MERYL STREEP OMG

At least his wife is divorcing him instead of defending it all and refusing to see reality.

Those people also do not have fake nails

Manager: “Did you get their order right this time?”

You’ll find out when they hack Jimmy John’s.

How. Dare. You.

Oh man. A post sex taco sounds exactly right. And not just because it sounds dirty. I feel like I could accomplish it with a well timed Door Dash order.

Guys, I think Yoko ruined Shonda’s laptop. Not cool, Yoko.

Julia, 23:

I kind of love the Allure cover (I’m always a fan of a naked face, especially when the face is as pretty as Kerry’s), but yeah, can’t defend that Lucky fiasco. I hope she called them up and yelled at them after the issue came out. I’m going to tell myself that’s why the mag folded :p

Don’t delete them. I hate to be all paranoid and depressing, but some guys are very.... determined. (see: fucking crazy.) State lines aren’t always a guarantee of safety.

Ah service jobs (food/retail/anything). Where pretty much everyone has at least one story that ends with “and then I went and cried in the bathroom.”

NO

Famous people hate when you lie about dating them. At least that’s what my boyfriend Tom Hardy says.

This is exactly how I sounded when I ran for president of student government in 5th grade. All big ideas born out of a complete lack of comprehension for how things worked, zero actual concrete method for accomplishing anything.

“I’ll take out the tanbark and put in sand!”
“How?”
“... With... truuuuucks?”

FWIW, I lost to…

I wish I had the time to ride and money to own a bike.