I really hope you can learn a little empathy for other people’s experiences in the coming school year. That, and possibly some grammar.

HOT TAKE: It’s going to be a gender-swapped reboot about the Fresh Princess of Bel Air, starring Willow, who goes *FROM* Bel Air *TO* inner city Philadelphia.

I will make you one that lights up. Maybe a light up arrow that points directly at your bed? I’d only charge you for supplies.

Etsy?

Fosters is not a thing here. Nobody drinks it. Stop perpetuating this myth. The rest is true though.

I don’t think you’re counting the time involved in sourcing second hand mason jars, wrapping them in sustainably sourced jute and vintage lace, tying an elaborate bow from some plain cotton string, and then artfully arranging the cilantro.

Acne? Acne?

I cook all the time and I’m good at it. I have never been able to make dinner in 30 minutes.

I guess this joke is full of holes :(

no one got murdered, just attempted to murder, thank you v much

You seem to forget that 13 year old children do not have a developed prefrontal cortex, which helps to deal with aggression, planning, and abstract judgement, among other things. This is just one reason why this is complete bullshit.

This is not okay. It illustrates just how little our judicial system gives a fuck about rehabilitation when they are willing to do this to fucking children.

Strip clubs are gross and sad. A bachelor party at a strip club is an agreement among a group of men to have boners together in a room with disconcertingly sticky floors.

It hurts sometimes to admit this, but once upon a time, I lived in a group home for children who were victims of long-term abuse. It’s hard for people who have never had their humanity so thoroughly reduced, but just having a few moments of being treated like a real human-being can give a person a sense of dignity…

Are you my mom

Many years ago at the group home for developmentally disabled teens where I worked there was a resident who really, really wanted to go to the best steak house in the city for his 18th birthday. He had behavior and anger issues, but was determined to earn that birthday dinner, and he managed it. So another staff…

Honestly, even putting myself fully in the mindset of the sportball fan that I can be, I have not a single fucking clue what “we don’t need your permission” is supposed to mean as a rallying cry...

I imagine that the Venn Diagram of people who use the word “wigger” and people who know the definition of the word “portmanteau” has to be two separate circles.

some time in the mid-90s I fell out of my bunk bed and hit my head. My parents took me to the ER, and the doctors asked me various questions to determine my mental status. One of them was “Who’s in charge at the White House?” I deadpanned “Hillary” and had the whole ER laughing. I was seven or eight.