“Misunderstanding”.

WELL SPOTTED. Taken at face value my comment must seem ludicrously uninformed. Comically so, you might think. Rest assured that’s largely intentional. You see, I’m working on this thing where I say something ironically in order to provoke laughter.

When I saw the preview image, I thought this was a Kristen Wiig character for a moment.

I suspect that you live in a better neighborhood than I do.

This is the worst possible food opinion.

If you want to add a bucket of burnt hair to it, I mean I probably will pass on having some, but: do what you want.

Counterpoint: RBG.

Valar morghulis.

She absolutely did not do that.

Jesus, she’s not pointing the finger at skinny women. She is speaking of the nebulous alternative of her own body. People have GOT to stop taking things so personally. Isn’t it exhausting? If she was responding to someone who slammed her for her body, we could have a point of comparison, but she’s not. She is just…

I thought you didn't do poop stories?

Of COURSE having more sex won’t help the relationship.

Having a baby is how you save your marriage.

I truly hope this is the beginning of the “I Don’t Even Give A Fuck Anymore Tour” from the Obama family because, seriously, they deserve it.

I realized that was dumb. My apologies. This guy can shut his entitled pie hole.

What actually is the going rate for monogramming a thermos nowadays, anyway?

You need your own subblog here on Gawker media. I would read that.

Stopping drinking is HARD, so go for you! The other stuff is pretty harmless. With shrooms, be sure to be in a safe and supportive environment in case things take a bad turn (psychologically), and for weed, just don’t get behind a wheel. Pretty commonsense stuff.

This is your friendly neighborhood physician reminding you that if you’re gonna partake of recreational drugs (and I highly recommend you do!), try to stick with the ones that don’t give myocardial infarctions to people in their 20’s.