I like my drinks alcoholic but I don’t like to be able to taste the alcohol, just like my men. (Am I doing this right?)

I mean, she looks fine and all. But she could look SO much cuter. For starters broad shouldered girls aren’t flattered by crew necks so she should try a V-neck or scoop-neck. Plus, that length of sleeve flatters no one. She’s got great arms so she should show them off. Think how much better she’d look in a simple…

See, I had the opposite reaction. She’s gorgeous, fit, rich, and could pay someone to shop for flattering clothes for her but she can’t be bothered to look good. It would almost be annoying if it mattered at all.

White wine sauce;

I have straight up drank it, much like Selena. Only Klaussen brand, though, with the little seasonings in it. Mmmm! I’m not even ashamed.

Have you ever had a pickle shot? Vodka, a little bit of pickle juice, and a pickle garnish. Quite tasty.

Pickle juice is great

can anyone please tell me why we gave Trevor Noah a pass on his misogyny and racism, but call out UVA’s racist April Fool’s jokes, and this is coming from a black woman. I mean if we call out UVA for the shitty jokes they make, why aren’t we doing the same for Trevor Noah

though he does have a very Allen-like tendency to act like he is the smartest man alive.

2 other people were wearing the same dress as me. I decapitated them and took their quickening. There can be only one.

A friend of mine is like this and she’s 34. A mutual friend got the same skirt as her at Nordstrom, wore it to the place where they both work, and though they weren’t both wearing it the same day, friend #1 totally flipped out, actually cried, chewed out friend #2 and was a jerk to everyone else all day. Friend #2…

My Grandma made my dress and wouldn’t make it as slutty as I wanted it.

Not on the registry, this one of a kind abomination:

I googled some photos of her for a more “normal” reference. That butt and those boobs are sitting so high they are on the verge of migrating off her body. 38-28-45 is...curious.

Her plastic surgeon is very talented. I can’t hate on her. I love her plastic body.

THEY HAVE SOMETHING CALLED THE SALTY PIMP AND I HAVE HAD IT AND IT WAS GREAT!!!

Also, the Real Gay Agenda:

omg what is Big Gay Ice Cream and why can't I have it now

They're called "Bears," Bryan.