She's also done Natasha Romanoff's mall outfit from Winter Soldier and Maria Hill from the 616 comics. My boss is rad.

JUSTICE FOR ANGIE MARTINELLI

My boss cosplayed Medusa a few years back, and no joke, her wig was actually 100x better than this janky mess on the actress's head.

I would actually read that.

Every time I hear this song, I think about a Sunday almost a decade ago, being very drunk in the back seat of my best friend's car after brunch, the only sober person in our group driving us home, and singing along to it at the tops of our lungs.

That's hilarious.

Not to mention, she didn't even keep the money for herself and has had to go after Depp for not coughing up the payments to charity.

I've never in my life screamed at a stranger in public for their shitty behavior, but I think I lost my give-a-fuck in California.

BASICALLY.

That, and also, the sunshine burned the last vestiges of nice out of me. I was back in MD for less than 24 hours before I snapped at the gas station and screamed at an old lady who wouldn't stop telling the cashiers to "speak English".

I'd like to say Doug Stanhope can eat shit, but I have the feeling he's got an RSS feed set up to alert him to mentions of his name and he'd beat off to that.

That's what that one weirdo does, pretty much. And talks about how because Amber was once arrested for domestic violence herself, she's obviously lying because nobody who has ever hurt anyone can possibly be abused themselves.

As someone who lives less than 15 minutes away from the childhood home of John Wilkes Booth, and who has a fairly deep working knowledge of the Lincoln assassination, nothing about this entire scandal has annoyed me more than having to hear every single fucking news reader explain the joke.

Donnie Brasc-no.

That's okay. Most of the tourists who ride the DC Metro don't, either.

So how long before that one weirdo shows up to tell us what a gold-digger Amber Heard is, just like she does in every Johnny Depp article? I give it half an hour, tops.

It's like a Frank Miller fever dream, only way more labor-intensive.

…two things?

Sadly, no, I don't think so.

Christ, I come back from vacation to this? I'm not high enough to deal with it.