David Berkowitz killed people because his dog told him to. But we're cool with kids dressing up as dogs.

i will not let murdering tweens take slenderman away from me.

I'm truly sorry your son died, John Travolta, but that should not stop people from talking about the fact that you've serially sexually assaulted people.

<——Woman who is very petite and looks young (I get asked how high school is a lot...I don't know, man!): Nah, I get to be as sexy as I want. Because I am a sexy woman. I don't act like a sexy baby schoolgirl. I think that's the part that's weird. She could look like Katy Perry and acting like a very young…

Not really? Littlenecks are the second smallest type of clam, and they're the type most commonly used in steamers. It goes countneck, littleneck, topneck, cherrystone, and chowder clams.

Nothing is worse than people who think they're fucking clever when they make the same obvious joke that 500 people have already made. One place I worked, we had an Eggs Benedict that we called the "Eggs 129" because our address was 129. I get people asking WHY that was called that (despite the description saying what…

To be fair, it could've been worse. He could've doused it in ranch dressing.

For some reason I always thought chicken fried steak somehow involved the beef being covered in chicken and then fried. Like the batter was chicken nugget material with breading or something. I realize that makes no sense. I have learned a thing today.

I went on a date with a guy who was mad that his 1/4 chicken came with bones in it.

I worked in a restaurant where we had a very limited wine list. Something like 5 different bottles. We had a customer order the zinfandel-it was a classic red zinfandel that's the dark robust red. Knowing a lot of people don't know this I explained it was a red zinfandel and would that be okay? To which I was…

Oiks. People always think they are so freaking clever.

There are many assy things about what he did, but also: how hard is it to just take off the lettuce, tomato, etc? I don't like when my order is wrong but if it's easy to just take off the offending items, I really don't understand the drama. (Says the girl with celiac who is too paralyzingly polite to send back…

We have a lady who always asks for us to leave the chick peas off of her salad to which we reply we do not not have we ever put chick peas on our salads. Once you bring the salad out she will huff and puff and hold up the peppercini and exclaim she didn't want any chick peas. She's been told many times that it is not…

Yesterday, a very meek woman came in with her very loud girlfriend. Loud One orders an egg and sausage platter with every possible tweak and modification you could think of. Meek one gets the egg plate and specifies she wants her eggs "over medium."

I went to a breakfast and lunch restaurant, well-established in its area, for the first time. I love chicken fried steak. It was not on the menu, but it was on the special list. So, I ordered it. When it arrived, it was actually a chicken filet, not beef. I complained to the waitress that I ordered chicken fried…

One of my favorites was the time a young lady asked me for areola sauce. How I kept my face composed, I'll never know. I just nodded, relayed the request to the kitchen who needed some comic relief on a busy Friday, and promptly delivered her aioli.

"Fishsticks" just got back from his fancy-schmanzy European trip selling monogrammed thermoses, confused to find that fish have bones and such.

She's detestable, but I do feel for her if a sex tape is about to be released. What I find more interesting is that it will probably blow apart her whole "I just decided to up and move halfway across the globe at 16 and become a rapper!" story. There is something so sketchy about the entire Iggy Azalea story everyone…

As much as I detest Iggy Azalea (and god do I detest her) this whole sex tape debacle is not cool and Vivid should face legal action for soliciting a tape that was filmed without her knowledge (or consent) when she was still a legal minor.