Patrick Stewart should be officially named "Goodwill Ambassador of All That is Awesome."

I'm on my way to petco this very minute, but I'm not one to leave people hanging. Here's a picture of my dog Maya being great

I cannot believe you would just go on the internet and tell lies! (Who would do that?) I demand that you purchase 23 tropical fish immediately and post photos of them here. It is the only way that you will ever make it up to us and I also hear it is a good way to meet people.

It is an old Southern expression phrased so it takes a minute for the hearer to understand you've just told him to urinate on his own face.

You should really piss up a rope, liberalsaredelusional.

I love reading Miss Manners on the subject. "Should I tell my friend she's fat?" "Why? Do you think she hasn't noticed?" If you see something wrong with someone's appearance, the rule is that you can mention it only if the person can immediately fix the problem. Since no one is going to step into another room and…

It's definitely the seeking street cred. No one takes us seriously, internationally. Even when we apologize in that passive-aggressive way that makes it utterly clear that we're not the least bit sorry (oh yeah, soooorry about clubbing baby seals for their pelts) people believe us.

in a perfect world we'd all be required to SUPPORT ourselves on part-time minimum wage work for six months before being allowed to work anywhere else. no using mom and dad's credit card. no calling in favours from family friends and connections. this is how millions upon millions of people in our first-world countries…

Ooh, me next!

How much do you want to bet that Steven has never had to work hard at a job in his life and that he came from a privileged background?

Gwen Stefani told Gavin Rossdale about her latest pregnancy in an email while he was on tour.

here's a novel idea if you don't want to be called a rapist don't rape people.

Bummer, Mike! Should've raped the gal in college, then you'd just have to write a four page reflection paper and fuhggedaboutit.

And just to be clear, it's possible for actors to play multiple dolts without leaving the impression that you would have to cut their meat for them (if they ate anything other than Hot Pockets) in real life — Chris Pratt, for example. But Driver just doesn't seem to have anything going on above the neck.

Yeah, stupid really isn't that sexy. On anyone.

Hey, have at it. Enjoy yourself. Drink in his deliciousness, if that's your bag.

Dude, even that dog is like:

I think Adam Driver fantasies are sufficiently depraved to qualify as a "kink".

Scientist have yet to devise an instrument that can accurately calculate their combined repulsiveness.

He is the actor version of John Mayer.