You know who I love? Grover. Know who I hate? Elmo. That red twerp gets on my last nerve. So if the 30 minutes they’re cutting gets rid of him, great!

“ The outrage is not about his killing of a lion, it derived from the fact, that he killed a ‘celebrity’ animal. “

This might just be an excellent time to share the pope drawing that I doodled in one of my journals last year-

Don’t be douche, it is that simple. Smile, make small talk, use “please” and “thank you”, exercise general courtesy and call him “your holiness” until he says “call me Frank”. How hard can that be? If they are in any doubt, go spend a weekend shadowing one of the bag boys at the Marriott.

Well, this is unprecedented. No pope has ever addressed a joint session of Congress before. I’m not sure a pope has ever addressed either house of Congress.

The answer for Amy’s story is obvious

Thanks. He really was worth it - such a sweet, loving dog (to the people he knew). What’s funny is that the house I currently live in was modified (double doors in the kitchen) so that he could be on one side of the house when we had company over on the other side. We went through a LOT to make sure that dog was both…

Yeah, and it’s not totally just thinking you’re smarter—it’s also about wanting to show you’re smart, which is a little different, but in the same kind of realm

Oh I’ve always been well aware of that, but that doesn’t stop me from inserting dumbass comments. Sometimes I think it’s also about being a little socially awkward, so it’s really just trying to peg something into a conversation where I sound smart or whatever

If you're gonna have a steak at my place, it will be served medium-rare. If you want it more done than that, feel free to walk out to the grill and ruin it yourself. :)

I love both men’s and women’s soccer. Everything you’ve argued here is wrong.

Honestly, it seems more like the men’s team players are overpaid, rather than the women’s team being underpaid. Why is the salary cap for a sport most Americans don’t care about or watch over 3 mil? I know it’s small potatoes compared to football or basketball, but like you pointed out, it’s a league that is…

Fuuuuuuuuuuck you for this. Drool on my keyboard makes the IT people pissy.

I’ve been working on improving my cooking skills for the past year. This resulted in a very tearful conversation with my husband, where I had to explain that if I was going to spend 8 hours in the kitchen making ravioli from scratch at his request, he could at least take a fucking bite before drowning it in Sriracha.

V…

To the Well Done Venison customer.

Here is a picture of him personally removing all videos from YouTube:

My pug used to piss on ONLY my ex boyfriends stuff. For over a year until we finally broke up. He hasn’t peed in the house since...

My mom once forgot sugar in a pumpkin pie. It was bland but that just gave me a reason to use twice as much whipped cream. Every Christmas I make a point to remind her to not forget the sugar. It never gets old.

You could say she forgot a... Key ingredient.

Apology-pizza.