Here's a corner office at Gaultier and 750k a year. Keep 'em coming. 

Bieber. You know that little fuck doesn’t wipe down the equipment. 

#TeamButterleaf

Immigrant cars doing the work that American cars refuse to do.

And of course the media reports on him as “Mueller’s Witness” and not “Trump’s liaison to SA royals.” No one cares about this particular person, so who can we damage by proxy? Cause most people only read headlines...

Oh god the exclamation points.  So lazy, so dumb.  I am so sick of the tone of these dirt bags. 

all.the.way.

They’re paid shit for the job. Consequently, all the people willing to take the job are shitty people who suck and life and take it out on you.

I’ll show how old I am. Nic Cage in Valley Girl.

This rant sounds like me getting really angry while watching Paw Patrol with my 3 year old. Seriously, how is the Paw Patrol funded? I mean, I can look past the talking dogs, but what I can’t look past is the massive cost of having a team of specially trained rescue dogs on call 24 hours a day. The Paw Patrol has some…

“My name is Tommy Callaway, and I managed to have a long, intimate relationship with an adult woman and raise two little girls without ever once considering how fucked up it is to treat a woman’s body like public property. That proves what a good guy I am, right?”

“I was just goofin’ around herpa derp! I got kids and a wife derpa herp!”

I cannot possibly star this comment enough!!

Dammit, you chucklefuck, your intentions were perfectly clear. You wanted to hurt and embarrass a total stranger because some stray gross impulse darted across your lizard brain and being a white male, you never even thought to resist or question it. You honestly expected her to find that funny or at least “laugh it…

The fact that he lawyered up instead of just apologizing really says a lot.

“Tommy is a loving husband and father.”

he, “did not act with any criminal intentions”

Lettuce is gross and pointless anyway. I will not be taking further questions.

i’m an opera singer and i just watched the video on TMZ and am f*ing insulted

Our country is a cesspool of corruption, my kid is failing math, and last night I dreamed Nazis broke into my grandparents’ house to look for me, but Jesus gave me chubby, silver Kanye West and Twitter to make up for it.