You're so knowledgeable. Please, tell me more.

A Festivus miracle!

Gotcha, thanks! I wish we could go back in time and do-over her childhood. I feel so bad for this girl.

Oh copy that. Thanks!

Wait, why is Jez posting naked pics of a 16 yr old?

Can we refer to California Hamster Organization as " Big Hamster" from now on? Please, please, please! It just feels right.

But there were male teachers, faculty and high school students at Columbine. There were male theatre goers in Aurora. There were male students and faculty at Virginia tech ans so on and so on... On top of making a ridiculously sexist and offensive statement, she is also just not making any fucking sense.

She brought us "Dr." Phil.

West side?

We cannot let The Gays ruin such sanctity!

Wow, that pilot was a dipshit. Seriously. STFU and fly the fucking plane already.

"If we can't even do things that are allowed, like wearing pants, we clearly have a long ways to go."

I see you've been very busy today on Jez. Did your mom finally get the router hooked up in the basement?

Nope.

Mildly relevant story: Back in July I had to go to Hollywood Blvd to do a little shopping for work. (I'm a costumer not a stripper although I was shopping for a stripper costume.) For those of you who don't know, H. Wood Blvd in July is ground zero for tourists. Its a huge pain in the ass to go anywhere near Hollywood…

Everyone is just the worst.

Didn't I just read somewhere (Jez, over the weekend maybe) that Texas is about to be hit REALLY hard in the old wallet area due to the termination of funding to Planned Parenthood? Like, really hard. Turns out, its expensive to take reproductive options away from women.

What exactly was it about my statement that suggested to you that I take anything out on anyone?

Kristen Schaal has never been in an airport, apparently. Security Theatre.

Vince Vaughn and Glenn Beck. They could both do better.