"To me, it would have been on par with Rihanna introing "Man Down" with a 911 call from Columbine, or Miley starting "Wrecking Ball" with audio from 9/11."

I'm sorry, I can't get past "57-year-old". WHAT? I thought she was maaaaaybe 40. Girl looks good.

They're missing the real story here, which is: WHERE IS HER SCRUNCHIE?

His biggest fan

I'd like to bring Krampus back into action. That bad-ass answer to crappy fat santa is my kind of party. I'm going to be the worst parent.

Is it just me or is he sporting western civilization's version of "what Jesus really looked like™"?

That's preposterous. Rob Ford would never steal a seat. He's got more than enough to seat at home.

Soap! To clean things! #protip

Hipster puritans fuck up first person narratives every time.

Wait....if Adam Levine is the sexiest man alive, does that mean that Benedict Cumberbatch died?!?

It says Sexiest Man Alive, but it means Best Publicist Team.

There's such thing as dog polish?!?!? As someone who considers my pup my child, even I find this to be too much. Scientists can create dog polish but can't cure cancer or find a way to make the Kardashians or Cheneys disappear?? No. Just no.

That's all.

NO YOU MAY NOT

crazy how ethnically diverse that catalog is compared to some these days

You know what would be great? If Jezebel.com would interview her about her work. It's not as big a platform as the Today Show, but since we're all sitting here griping about how she got conned out of her chance to tell a broad audience about her nonprofit...

Let's all ask the Today show to invite Simone Jhingoor back to talk about the Women's Housing and Economic Development Corporation. In no uncertain terms! It's easy, there's a contact form at: http://www.today.com/id/29041920/ns…

Susan Reimer is not looking at the bigger picture, a future where, if AP's procreative trends continue, every fantasy football team owner will have a Peterson to start.

I made the lasagna last week, 13x9 pan. Except for one or two pieces for my wife and kids, I killed the whole thing by the next day. Then I spent the rest of the week adding the leftover Ricotta bechamel to everything. Into the kids' Mac n cheese, on top of my eggs, stirred into my coffee. I feel like a gross load…