Bless you forever.

THANK YOU.

I would have, except I knew he always got a large, and dammit, if you're gonna be an asshole and not respond to a simple question? You get what I give you.

Seriously. Who she is as a person is shitty enough, leave her looks out of it.

Preach. One ex-boyfriends' previous girlfriend apparently made him tell her exactly EVERYONE he'd fooled around with before they started dating. Why would you want to know that? What good could possibly come from that?

... How on earth does “so get off my little hole-a” sound better/less “suggestive” than “areola”?

I worked at a coffee shop in Astoria for close to a year and was SHOCKED at just how many of our customers were just blatantly chauvinistic asshats. They’d come in all friendly and chatty with the male owners and staff, and then get up to the counter and barely deign to bark single-word orders at the women workers.…

I worked at a coffee/bagel shop in Astoria for a while and HORDES of people wanted their bagels scooped out, some to the point that it was LITERALLY, ACTUALLY just the crust/shell. I’m still baffled by it.

YOU ARE LIVING THE DREAM MY FRIEND

SAME. As soon as I left the theater, I was texting all of my friends in barely-coherent capslock.

I just choked on my coffee while trying to not cackle madly at my desk. Bless you.

I wish I had any siblings to pawn that “responsibility” off on, but alas, only child. I’ve just been telling her she can adopt.

1) RIGHT?! Cue me shrieking about why that was so incredibly false for the next several minutes. Her other main point has been "what if you meet the right guy and he wants kids?" Then he's not the right guy for me. The end.

Ugh, godspeed, my friend. I’ve been adamant about not wanting kids my entire life, and vocally so, but my mom still tries to slide in little pleas for grandkids every once in a while. She’s at least tons better than the rest of my family about it, though. My grandma actually got upset the last time it came up around…

Man, forget getting married, I'm still trying to get my mom to grasp the idea that I'm never popping out any grandbabies for her.

Seriously. “Oh, no, women are too emotional and lose their minds once a month, they can’t run a country! I mean, I lack the self-control to keep myself from fucking anything that’s breathing, but no, totes okay, dudes.”

Yeah, I keep watching because I do enjoy Larry's all-out approach when it comes to talking about racism, but the sexism/transphobia/etc. that runs rampant during the panel segments is a serious turn-off. I really don't need to hear another white male comedian make a domestic violence joke, thanks.

THIS IS MY ACTUAL NIGHTMARE. ALL THE NOPE. A WORLD OF NOPE.

Don't blame you. Kristen Schaal is PERFECT, and I enjoy the rest of the secondary characters, but it irks the HELL out of me that this dirtbag always gets forgiven.

AGREED. I kept hoping the show would somehow redeem him, however slightly. But no.