I was on safari in Tanzania, and I asked the driver/guide who was his worst ever tourist.

I was on Facebook following my friends who were waiting in that line ... I miss Austin dreadfully some times (also breakfast tacos), and that was one of those times I wished I could afford to hop on a flight from Toronto to Austin and join in.

Schadenfreude is something we can allllllll afford.

My kids like to invite alllll their friends to their birthday parties. But receiving that many gifts is INSANE and not good for anyone. So I have come up with Creative Solutions, for instance: “please bring a book to exchange.” Then we have a huge grab bag and everyone gets a book! Present Overload avoided AND party…

If your baby hates being read to, you’re doing it wrong.

I summon AMATEUR LEGAL EXPERTS OF KINJA

I ordered a wool sweater from them as a teenager for my mom as a gift in the 90’s with my babysitting money. It was probably more than $50 but less than $100. She still wears it all the time, and it’s a really excellent quality piece of clothing that will probably last another 20 years before looking dingy. But then I…

God, please no. Don’t send him to us.

You know, a friend who has been an incredible dog his whole life (he’s 50) got a Fleshlight as a gag gift from a friend. He fell IN LOVE with it. Says his whole life would have been different if he had one when he was younger. Maybe we should start a Fleshlight Fund for those PUA guys.

I was a bit confused about this article until I reread the title. I thought it said “Shockingly ‘Looking For a Girlfriend’ Dude Seems to Kinda Like Dick”.

I’m 31, attractive, and have a great tan year round since I live in southern California.

I am a mixture of feeling sympathy for the pain that woman is feeling and jealously that as a man society won’t let me strut around in such a bad ass piece of footwear. Seriouly that has to be a +4 to Charisma at the minimum, but probably a hindrance to movement.

Everybody do the Coachella Strut

“Steve, leave that human alone, you don’t know where it’s been.”

Okay, here’s my manatee story: my parents retired to Florida in the early ‘80s. They were of modest means, but somehow my mother ended up in a very tony bridge club, and soon feared she was totally outclassed. The group met at each others’ houses and, as she discovered to her terror, always had lunch that featured a…

I examine objects like a fucking boss.

I recommend Wyoming in the late spring or early summer. It isn't too cold and it is gorgeous, private, and you can get an amazing place for a reasonable price.

Give me LiberTea or give me Sleepytime!

I am glad that you guys will cover this, so I don’t have to watch it yet can delicately chew over the aftermath here. /real talk