Freak Show gave us Dandy, and for that I will be forever grateful. Now I'm off to St. Petersburg, where they have real carmel corn.

*rubs ass on $240 worth of turtlenecks*

Pictures of pizza, especially close up, are stomach-turning. Pizza is so yummy but pictures of pizza make me want to never eat it again.

"This is the picture I drew of Air Force One! It goes quack!"

Just the thought of a dog tippy-tapping his way across hardwood floors in an open floor plan house is enough to get my blood boiling.

"I'd like a glass of jizz. And one of those unicorn drinks too."

I read this in John Goodman's voice. I hear John Goodman's voice every time someone uses "dude" in a comment.

And Adrian Brody.

I'm such a wimp I'd probably lose my mind if I saw either. Oh god, and June bugs too. I know they don't bite and I've never seen one in the house but early summer is a time of terror for me. The thought of one of those sticky bastards in my hair makes my skin crawl.

Aw, I feel your pain. I'm the same way when it comes to centipedes/millipedes/thousand-leggers. My husband just doesn't get it and it infuriates him because I'll wake him up to kill something (The screaming too. I'm sure he's not fond of the screaming that goes along with it).

Our PS3 stopped working a few months ago out of the blue. It's still sitting in my dining room. I'm kind of freaking out now. Then again, if it's not plugged in it's not warm, so they probably aren't in there. Maybe they migrated to the new PS4. Yeah, still freaking out.

That was my favorite part of Denver. Not the nightlife or the beautiful scenery. Just that the only bugs I ever saw in my house were moths.

Absolutely right on.
Me, during the day: Pssh. There's no such thing as ghosts.
Me, alone in a dark house: BUT WHAT IF THERE IS?!?!

Or you could just be the big, tough guy you pretend to be and deal with it. I'm sorry all these comments are so upsetting to you.

Same. It makes me want to hide behind my dad's recliner like I did when I was little and scared of something.

Yeah, it's not so much fear, but I want to run screaming into the street and never stop. I feel like a Lovecraft character who just looked upon something hideous and unknowable and now my mind is broke.

A coworker brought in one of his books for me. It sat in my desk drawer for 6 months until I finally gave it back and mumbled an excuse for not reading it. I enjoy expanding my horizons but there was no fucking way I was going to waste even seconds of my life reading that turkey's book.

I always get stuck behind motherfuckers with a basket full of fruit.

I've never hated a word like I hate "outrage". When I start burning down shit, then I'm outraged. Crabbing on the internet is not outrage. It's such a sleazy way to blow off someone's feelings.

EW NO! I never realized that's what that line meant! TMI, Train guy!