This column is a blessing just for linking to this powerful photo of Chuck Jura:

This and that Jimmy Fallon movie. 

We had our third non-losing season in 20 years, added a couple offensive pieces, and now our idiot fans thinks the Browns are going to the fucking Super Bowl.

“after the Durant thing everyone’s erring on the side of caution, BUT...”

Solar Dog rocks!

That Salisbury steak comment hit too close to home. Hey, that family-size microwaveable tray was on sale at Marc’s!

The commercial in the comments is AMAZING

Since he retired from baseball, Schilling hasn’t done anything that would suggest he’d be a capable member of society, let alone Congress.

I was going to post this separately, but I suppose if I am going to make myself miserable than I might as well have company.

Lets Remember Some Other Guys who hit many dongs in the minors but couldn’t hit a damn ball in the majors:

James Shields was a clubhouse leader and ate up a lot of innings, so it’s really impossible to say who won the White Sox/Padres trade.  Impossible

Who let me dad announce Padres games?

Guys who come up and hit immediately usually become productive major leaguers. Some flame out of course and there are some red flags - he strikes out almost a third of the time and his career walk numbers are below average, but nobody cares if you walk much when you slug 1.143 (not a typo). It is still a really small…

violation of the Mann Act-ass swing

That stance is so open that it would be considered indecent in the 1940s.

Fuck boomers, they’re singlehandedly responsible for the mass exodus of “Made in America” and then in their senile, milkshake and bagel dementia turn around and cry about how manufacturing left the US. Fucking cancers. The faster boomers die the better. Fuck those shitstains

I’d just add that he was thrust into the spotlight much earlier than 19...already having to deal with being Steph’s cousin, I’m pretty sure I first saw him in Slam magazine as a high school sophomore already being hyped as the next great NY point guard.

Fun fact; I’ve already hit 14 home runs against the Orioles this year. 

H/T to former Deadspin video editor Tim Burke for showing Simone’s routine in super slo-mo.