Carl Lewis would like to know where he can purchase one of those dOngphones.

Someone should tell Washington that Earl Campbell is still available.

Film this scene and set it to creepy music, and you've got the end of Act I of a Lifetime movie.

Ahh, women. They can't figure out a Phillips head screwdriver, but they rip your heart out with their bare hands.

I'm sick of looking at that undoubtedly racist fish. And where can I get my wife some of those camo shorts?

@shmendo: Whoa, how did I get a "Fusion", and why would anyone want to look at it. And what's with all the Jezebel posts?, heh, heh.

So you're saying I shouldn't have named my daughter Gamecock McGee?

O.T., but that Derek Jeter ad is freaking me out. He knows, man. He knows.

@Beer_Fart: Thank you for "fireplug blonde" - I will steal that phrase shamelessly from you for years to come.

"And now, I'll impersonate someone from Newcastle with ankle cancer."

Not surprisingly, this was also an important subplot in the NASCAR romance novel, "Bump-Drafting Danica".

@tekamul: I know, it's almost like they designed an aluminum to stand straight out so it would look good on TV.

Why does this remind me of Andrew Wyeth?

@Lionel Osbourne: I think that actually translates as Deadspiral.

I have a hunch that the Christening I'm going to on Sunday will be somewhat similar. Advice to myself: drink liberally, and wear a cup.

@shmendo: Sorry, bemoaning. Doofus

He should be doing circumcisions in the Philippines. Then you'd have a whole other country belaboring Tebow's inefficient and inaccurate technique.

@Sapper54: And why didn't she just get into the car, instead of pitching her baby into it?

Kind of a tough departure angle.

@DeltaSniper: Left