I can tell this is the start a long, beautiful captor-captive relationship.

Please do. I'm so very ronery.

Calm down, guys. I'll be hosting screenings in my basement. $10 for a ticket, $5 for popcorn… and $50 to leave.

I thought of the animagus joke right after I hit post :(

It's just a figure of speech. She's not really a fox.

Hmm, it's kind of cheating not to include porn sites.

Great Job, North Korea!

Is it a coincidence Kaz Hirai is now head of Sony?

I lived in a small rural shittown at the time as well, and I remember parents coming and taking their children home after the attacks. I think at least half the school was gone by lunch time.

"First they came for the Muggles, and I did not speak out — because I'm a fucking wizard."

This reminds me of that guy who got fired for writing a blog about homophones. This is the world we live in.

I don't like the way that guy is looking at that kangaroo.

Springtime for Kim Jong Un and North Korea.

Queue the celebratory music!

Since U Benghazi

"This also wore away the control sticks which eventually became limp and useless."

Benghazi? Benghazi. Benghazi!

Great, now Obama's death panels will be injecting our grandmas with lethal doses of marijuana. Wake up, sheeple!

How does Seth Grahame-Smith keep getting work?

No idea what you're talking about.